


Her Magic Touch

by quitemagicaph



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: A little angst, Canon Divergent, Deep Conversations, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, alec and maia are best friends, bi izzy, but mostly soft, izzy is so whipped, izzy loves maia so much i can't, just give izzy a girlfriend, lgbt culture at its finest, maia calls izzy by her full name, please, queer maia, small but cute malec references, so soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-31 00:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quitemagicaph/pseuds/quitemagicaph
Summary: Izzy's head is spinning.She's so, freaking, stupid.Izzy is the freaking best forensic pathologist in New York, the smartest one in her family, yet she's for the first time proven to be a monumental idiot.Simon, really?Was Izzy really that clueless? How could she not tell?She was so caught up in trying desperately to feel jealous of Maia she didn't even realize that she was growing to like her as more than a friend.Way more than, actually.(Or; Izzy has the biggest, dorkiest crush on Simon and Maia's relationship, and also happens to have the biggest, dorkiest crush on one of them. She spends a fortunate amount of time believing her crush is on the wrong person.)





	Her Magic Touch

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for twenty days. I wish it hadn't taken me that long to write, but it really is the longest piece I've ever attempted to post.
> 
> Huge shoutout to emis, aka [@dawnworlders](https://twitter.com/dawnworlders/) on twitter for being so awesome and cheering me on, even though I've been procrastinating posting this for a week now. I hope it isn't too tiring to read; I thought of posting it as a chaptered mini fic but it didn't seem to me as chaptered fic material.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, while writing I had [this](https://open.spotify.com/user/afrodiv-gr/playlist/4pGO4Ort21aA3KQl1rv2lW/) playlist on, and I simply love every song included in here so I highly suggest you listen to it while reading.
> 
> (Sorry for any grammar mistakes, or typos, I don't have a beta reader and I wrote most of it on my phone.)

The first time Izzy sees her is in the Hunter's Moon.  
  
She was talking to Simon, her hand lingering a little longer on his shoulder before getting behind the counter. Izzy can't but notice her languid walk, and the graceful way her body curves. And, as she herself goes to catch up with Simon, she can't help it, and she steals a few more glances at her direction.  
  
"She's cute."  
  
Izzy can't say she feels anything too strong for Simon.

 It's just easy with him. From the first moment she met him, it was nothing but natural for her to turn on her charm. They kind of lost contact somewhere along the hunt for the Mortal Cup, but Izzy doesn't forget.  
  
And she's certainly happy to see Simon in the bar tonight. All that easiness she remembered feeling comes rushing back, and she finds herself smiling a little wider, and teasingly flicking her hair.

Just like she did then.  
  
It’s effortless for her. It’s natural.  
  
And, apparently, it's not effortless for Izzy only to charm him.  
  
The guy has built himself a fan club.  
  
Izzy keeps stealing glances towards the direction of the bar, where the girl is working. Where the other member of the fan club is working. It's only expected for her to catch Izzy's stare after a while. Izzy's eyes scatter around the room hastily, focusing back on Simon as if she never got caught.  
  
She glances back towards her a brief second later, and she's surprised to find the girl looking at her for a beat longer.  
  
Her blood runs cold in her veins; her heart skips a beat, as the stranger stares for just another moment, before focusing back on her task.  
  
_She's cute indeed._  
  
Izzy interprets all that she feels as jealousy. She couldn't help but feel at least _a little_ attracted towards Simon, and now that she seems to not be the only one, things certainly get slightly complicated.  
  
So far, she was the only one that _oh so easily_ caught Simon's attention.  
  
But that's no longer.  
  
Although; Simon's attention span does seem pretty short.  
  
Whatever.

Izzy doesn't mind. As already stated, it's not like she feels anything too definite for Simon.  
  
It's just... An interest. Whatever. It's not important.  
  
And at the end of the day, she doesn't mind much if Simon actually turns out to date the girl. Simon deserves some clarity after everything he's been through. And if he finds clarity with the cutie, then Izzy's more than fine with it.  
  
Definitely. Totally. One thousand percent.  
  
That small attraction she feels be damned.  
  
After all, she has bigger issues at hand. Izzy can't care about meaningless crushes right now.  
  
Even with that, though, during her walk back to the Institute, Izzy doesn't stop her brain from going back to thinking about the stranger.  
  
Izzy has to admit, Simon knows how to pick his girls.  
  
****  
  
Izzy finds out details about a week after the Hunter's Moon encounter.  
  
She was in terrible need of blowing off some steam, so that's how she currently finds herself walking alongside Clary, each carrying shopping bags of multiple sizes on each hand.  
  
Izzy practically had to drag Clary out of the Institute, herself being caught up in all the latest trouble, but she can now tell that the girl is more than refreshed after their not-so small shopping trip.  
  
The pair is chatting and laughing, not even realizing how time is ticking by, the sun rising higher and higher on the sky as noon comes around.  
  
Izzy really enjoys Clary's company.  
  
It had been a while since she last got the chance to befriend a girl (a girl she actually saw on a regular basis, unlike Aline, whom she hadn't heard back from since they were all kids), and she's now grateful to have known Clary.  
  
Who else was she supposed to discuss about her relationship drama with? Alec was terrible at advice, and Jace is a whole different story.  
  
Plus. Clary is Simon's best friend. And Izzy anything but minds the occasional drop of his name.  
  
It's been said. Simon is... interesting. And Izzy likes thinking about him.  
  
And she also likes how, just now, Clary brings him up while discussing about the tragic week she had so far.  
  
"When I ranted to Simon about it, he told me to calm down because it was just a bad week. I swear he's always so good at saying the opposite of what he's supposed to."  
  
Izzy laughs delightly. "Oh don't be so hard of him. Aren't you used to his ways by now? You've been best friends since, what? Grade school?"  
  
"Yeah, but still. He always disappoints me," Clary shakes her head, a wide smile on her lips. Izzy knows she doesn't mean it.  
  
"He's a guy, Clary. What do you expect?" Izzy turns her head to face her. Clary stares back for just the fraction of a second before letting out a sudden laugh. Izzy only shrugs in return. "What? That's what guys do!"  
  
"I wonder how on earth Maia agreed to date him," Clary says, oh so casually.  
  
Izzy stops right on her tracks. Her heart does too, for just a moment.  
  
"Maia?" _Must be the girl from the bar,_ she thinks. The cute girl that she caught staring right at Izzy.  
  
Clary realizes Izzy has stopped walking and she does too, looking back at her with furrowed brows. "Yeah, his girlfriend."  
  
"Simon has a girlfriend?" Izzy rests her eyes into Clary, and hers widen in surprise.

They made it official, then. Cute Maia can no longer stare at Izzy that long.

And Izzy can no longer stare back, considering the girl is now taken.

Taken by _Simon_.  
  
"Didn't you know?"  
  
"No, how would I?"  
  
"I mean," Clary replies, "Everyone kind of knows. Even Alec."  
  
Wait. _What?_  
  
"Alec?"  
  
"I was surprised too. But apparently he and Maia are really good friends. They met through Magnus," she explains.  
  
Which universe is Izzy even living into?  
  
Simon seemes to have gotten himself the girl. The girl who also happens to be very good friends with Alec. And Izzy hasn't had a clue.  
  
She hangs her mouth open in shock. "I had no idea about any of this."  
  
"You do now."  
  
Izzy can't help the question. "Who is that Maia girl, by the way?"  
  
"She's in Luke's pack. Works in the Hunter's Moon. You have surely seen her around. Curly hair, dark skin. No?"  
  
_Yes. Totally yes. Izzy doesn't forget._  
  
"Oh, yeah. I caught a glimpse of her once," Izzy says, trying for nonchalantly. "She seems... nice."  
  
"She does," Clary smiles. "Simon won't stop talking about her. And, to be honest? I see it. When us two met, she was so warm and kind. Just the type of person I'd wanted Simon to be with."  
  
And, I mean. How does Izzy even respond to that?  
  
Cute bar girl is also apparently super cute personality wise.

Of course. Simon would never go for anything other than kind and sweet. Izzy has well established that Simon knows how to pick his dates.  
  
There's that jealous, stinging feeling again.  
  
"Good to know," she responds eventually, ignoring the soft weight on her chest. "Simon does deserve happiness."  
  
Izzy's mind immediately forces her to think about how she could willingly be the one to give Simon happiness. She pushes the thought away.  
  
"I know, right? I love seeing him like that. Maia brings out the best in him."  
  
Izzy decides not to take the discussion further, not wanting to spoil Clary's great mood.  
  
But, yes. If she's completely honest, Izzy had seemed to deeply misunderstand her feelings, because now here she is, having one small part of herself wish she was in Maia's shoes, making Simon that happy.  
  
She can't ignore that small part at all.  
  
She decides not to fret about it, suddenly. _It's not important_. Izzy is maybe just envious of what Simon and Maia started having, considering Clary's words.  
  
Yes, that's it. She's envious of what she could have, if she had someone like Simon in her life.  
  
It's only envy. It's temporary.  
  
Izzy will get over it.  
  
****  
  
Izzy will definitely not get over it.  
  
Because now that she and Simon are working together on a mission, Izzy can't get her mind to pause for even just a second.

She's drowning with what-ifs, and what-would-have-beens, and the more than occasional, faint memory of Maia, the way she remembered her looking back from behind the counter that evening, almost ten days before.  
  
Sure, maybe it is all in Izzy's head, but it so doesn't feel like it right now.  
  
They spent the entire day together, searching for clues about a new lead. It was Alec's idea for Izzy to work with Simon, the latter being a Daylighter, and all, and admittedly it sounded like a great idea at the time.  
  
More time for Izzy to learn and hear more about him and his pretty girlfriend. Just _perfect._ Notice the sarcasm.  
  
And, just as predicted, she is learning more. If Clary was right about one thing, it was that Simon literally _cannot for the sake of his existence_ shut up about Maia.  
  
It's sort of adorable. But it still makes Izzy's heart ache slightly.  
  
And the worst thing is; Izzy feels endeared. When she clearly shouldn't.  
  
Seeing the way Simon's eyes sparkle up when Maia is name dropped, hearing about Simon's so far impression of how it is to be her boyfriend.  
  
Maia is so _freaking_ lucky.  
  
Not like Simon isn't too, though.  
  
"I'm glad you found someone like Maia," she tells Simon at some point. Simon grins brightly, evidently surprised.  
  
"You are?" he asks.  
  
Izzy is a little impressed as well, if she's honest. If she does eventually admit that she has a minor crush on Simon, she should definitely not be sitting here congratulating him for finding a relationship and boasting about it right in front of her face.  
  
But it's true. Izzy is glad. Yes, she does feel sickly if she looks back at how stupid she was to deem her feelings unimportant. Yet, at the same time, she's grateful for the fact that Simon has a girlfriend which, even though Izzy has never personally met, seems so wonderful.  
  
Because Izzy can bet on anything sacred she could think of that Maia truly is wonderful. In every way possible. It's what she expects of Simon to look for.  
  
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Simon shrugs. "I don't know."  
  
Izzy stops walking alongside Simon, the thick layer of rain falling and gently tapping against their dark umbrellas. She turns to face him. "I am glad. Maia is... amazing."  
  
"You technically haven't met her yet, though."  
  
Izzy chuckles. "I don't need to. I've met you. That's more than enough."  
  
That could seem like flirting. But it's not. It's pure honesty flowing out of her.  
  
Or she thinks.  
  
Simon smiles warmly, without responding. He has stopped walking as well, and Izzy notices the way his happiness fades away slowly.  
  
She frowns.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Simon blinks it away. "Yeah, yeah. I am."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
"Because I can see that something's wrong."  
  
"Nothing's wrong."  
  
_"Simon."_  
  
"Fine."  
  
Izzy plays a mischievous smirk between her lips. Simon rubs the back of his neck with his hand. A nervous tick. Izzy has noticed.  
  
"It's just," a pause, "sometimes I feel like I don't deserve Maia. It sounds weird, but..."  
  
And, woah.

Izzy has to take an actual step back at that, because that was not what she had predicted hearing.  
  
Simon? Not being aware of his worth?  
  
Izzy can't say that's she's surprised, Simon has proven multiple times that he's not the most confident guy Izzy has met. But now the realization came down and hit her like a truck, and she barely knows how to respond.  
  
"Simon, I have one question for you."

He stares at Izzy curiously.  
  
"Have you lost your mind?"  
  
"That's why I didn't wanna tell you."  
  
Izzy clicks her tongue, boring her stare into Simon. He glances at her, unsure. "Why would you not deserve Maia?"  
  
He sighs. "Because-- She's just. Everything. She's smart, she's beautiful, she has a witty sense of humor, and an great taste in books. She even plays video games, Izzy! And then there's me, a half-assed vampire who speaks too much and suffers from heartbreak since practically the day I was born."  
  
Izzy's heart is aching. But not only because of Simon's obviously damaging self-image.  
  
_She didn't know Maia loves books._  
  
She decides to deliberately ignore that. For now.  
  
"Okay, listen."  
  
Time for Izzy to get all serious and become the mom friend. Even though she might be considering the possibility of being more than that with Simon, what he needs right now is someone to open his eyes.  
  
"It might sound crazy to you, but Maia looks pretty smart to me. I assure you, Simon Lewis, a girl as magnificent as her would _never_ waste her time with someone who isn't worth it. So, I'm telling you. You deserve her."  
  
Simon looks away, focusing on the far away image of the city lights illuminating the drizzle.  
  
"I speak from experience."  
  
That sparks Simon's interest. He raises a brow in question.  
  
"Then I'm guessing you take zero crap and throw away the whole guy whenever he's proven to be a waste of your energy?"  
  
Izzy chuckles. She flips her hair off her shoulder with a sassy gesture. "Not exclusively guys."  
  
Simon smiles. "Girls too?"  
  
"Girls too."  
  
Izzy's cheeks are burning up, but she doesn't want to care because Simon is laughing full with delight and he looks cute doing so.  
  
Now that she thinks of it,though, she could definitely get a crush on someone like Maia. Very pretty, very smart, likes reading. Sounds like exactly the type of girl Izzy would go after.

But that’s just an observation. Nothing too worrying.  
  
"Then you definitely understand where I'm coming from."  
  
That earns a shake of the head from Izzy.  
  
"Still don't. You're talking shit right now, sorry not sorry."  
  
Simon mock gasps, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. Izzy presses her lips together and shrugs, pledging innocence.  
  
A silent moment passes by, neither of them breaking it. Izzy knows it's because all words have been already said.  
  
"Izzy?"  
  
"Yes, Simon?"  
  
"Thanks. I mean-- Thanks for doing that."  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"Listening, I guess."  
  
Izzy offers a small smile. "Don't thank me. I'm always here to listen, and you should know that."  
  
"I do now."  
  
Izzy nods, and the pair falls back into a comfortable silence. Her brain is swimming with information and she tries not to think about anything, in fear of feeling dizzy if she does.  
  
Whatever she didn’t think she felt for Simon definitely exists. She’s sure of it, after today's events. Whether she likes it or not, whether it's right or wrong. Simon is evidently crush material.  
  
What Izzy refuses to think about, nevertheless, is the way the spotlight in her heart is almost entirely stolen by someone way too different than Simon.  
  
A girl, to be exact.  
  
****  
  
Izzy _does not_ expect to run into the happy couple just a few days after she met with Simon.  
  
And how eventful these last few days have been.  
  
It's not as though Izzy did anything spectacular or extraordinary. She was simply busy ignoring her teeny tiny attraction towards Simon. Not seeing him definitely helped.  
  
What didn't help was how she had to turn down dinner plans with Clary the moment she realized Simon would stop by to join them later. Clary thankfully didn’t ask questions, but Izzy felt a little horrible anyway.

The thing is; she was indeed doing a great job of avoiding Simon.

Until now.  
  
Izzy only wants to get to the Institute and take a shower. Demons always exhaust her. She definitely doesn't want to see Simon and his pretty girlfriend right when she looks worn out and disheveled.  
  
"Izzy, hey!" Simon calls out, just as she's crossing the street to greet them. She quickly runs her fingers through her long hair to make sure they aren't as messy as she feels them to be, and grins widely.  
  
"Simon! What a coincidence," she replies, and almost startles when Simon steps forward and encloses Izzy in a sincere hug.  
  
A hug? Really? His girlfriend is right _there._  
  
At that thought, Izzy pulls away to keep her distance and lets her eyes fall on the shorter girl beside Simon.  
  
She hadn't realized how long it had been since she first saw her at the Hunter's Moon. And even then, it was from a distance. She wasn't able to notice much about her appearance. All she could see was the curly halo of hair, the delicate figure of her body, and the eyes, which still glittered even from the other side of the room.  
  
Izzy could tell Maia was beautiful.  
  
And now here she is, realizing exactly how beautiful Maia is.

 _Fuck,_ she thinks.  
  
She was right about the eyes. Almost black, but somehow very bright. They're the kind of eyes that hold the secrets of the universe inside them.  
  
The rest of her face is a little different than she had imagined. Much softer, for sure. Maia's full of smooth angles and skin, defined to perfection by her dark features.  
  
Izzy knows she's staring, but she can't help it.  
  
Plus, it's not like Maia isn't staring herself.  
  
"I don't think we've actually met. I'm Isabelle Lightwood," she says eventually, because she has to break the staring contest somehow. And she genuinely hasn't met Maia yet. She extends her hand forward, and Maia catches it, shaking it firmly.  
  
Damn it. Her hand is soft too. And warm. Is there something Maia doesn't have?  
  
Izzy feels a little self conscious.  
  
"Maia Roberts," she replies, the ghost of a smile decorating her lips. A brief moment later, Maia's eyes light up and she raises her eyebrows in question. "Oh, you're Alec's sister, aren't you?"  
  
Izzy lets out a laugh. "Is that supposed to be a good thing, or not?" That earns a quick shake of the head from Maia.  
  
"No, absolutely good. Don't worry. Alec only has nice things to say about you."  
  
"Same goes for yours truly," Izzy answers, tilting her head towards Simon. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shrugs shyly.  
  
"I hope so," Maia smirks. "Simon going about trash talking about me behind my back would certainly complicate things."  
  
"What--" Simon jumps up. "I would never!"  
  
Maia _giggles_ at that.

She full on giggles. Izzy almost gawks at her.  
  
"Relax, she's just teasing. You're too nice to engage in trash talking, anyway."  
  
"Oh, true. He so is."  
  
Izzy and Maia nod to each other a couple of times, and then break into laughter.  
  
Well. Izzy certainly gets it. Simon couldn't ever date anyone other than Maia. This girl has everything. Including a contagiously happy vibe. She wants to feel jealous of Maia. She _should_ feel jealous, yet she can't, because Maia is making it very hard to.  
  
Simon indeed knows very well who to date.  
  
"Okay, what is this?" Simon asks, squinting at them. "Why am I being attacked?"  
  
Maia bores her eyes into him. "You're bringing it upon yourself, darling."  
  
Izzy acts unaffected by the sound of Maia's pet name for Simon. She also acts unaffected at the loving look Simon gives his girlfriend.  
  
She won't be surprised if they start making out right there, for Izzy to endure.  
  
Luckily enough, they don't.  
  
"Where are you out to, Iz?" Simon asks her, and she can't not smile.  
  
_Iz._  
  
"I _was_ out, actually. Minor demon threat, which I took care of. I'm going back to the Institute now."  
  
"Oh, are you alright?"  
  
"Yes I am, Simon. I told you, I took care of it. It barely took me five minutes."  
  
Izzy's voice has a subtle bragging tone in it. She likes it.  
  
She glances at Maia, surprised to find her already staring. The latter blinks away, almost like she wasn't supposed to get caught.  
  
Oh, great.

Izzy really has become the threat she feels she is. Did she really have to be interested in a guy who's already happily ever after in a relationship? That way Maia wouldn't have to worry about Izzy stealing Simon from her.  
  
_Great job, Izzy._  
  
"Well, we were about to grab lunch at this place nearby. You're free to join us, if you want," Maia says, with Simon agreeing at her side.  
  
Thanks, but no thanks. Izzy already feels horrible enough. She would hate to inconvenience Maia even more than she has so far.  
  
"I think I'll just head back, sorry. Thank you for offering, though."  
  
"Rain check, then?"  
  
Why is Maia so eager? Izzy is trying to help her.  
  
"Rain check."

As if there's any chance these lunch plans will actually fabricate.  
  
"Great!" Simon exclaims. He softly tugs at Maia's sleeve, to gesture that they should get going. "Guess we'll see you around."

Oh. Simon and Maia are already using the royal ‘we’. _Perfect._  
  
"It was nice to meet you, Isabelle," Maia says, with honesty evident in her voice.  
  
"Please, call me Izzy. It's easier," she points out.  
  
"Whatever you say, Isabelle."  
  
Izzy's heart leaps a little in her chest. She truly doesn't understand Maia.

But she kind of wants to come to understand her. She won’t lie.  
  
She rolls her eyes to mock annoyance, but her smile gives her away.  
  
"Nice to meet you, too."  
  
She and Simon walk away, and Izzy turns to look as they do so. She sighs as she takes notice of the way Simon slips his fingers through Maia's and inches closer to her.  
  
She feels simultaneously happy and sad. Happy, because she was right about Simon deserving someone like Maia; but also sad, because she dishearteningly wishes she was in Maia's place, feeling Simon's fingers interlacing with her own.  
  
All that's left to do for her is to walk back to the Institute, and pretend she doesn't feel anything at all.  
  
****  
  
"Izzy!" Jace calls after her, just as she has turned her back on him, strutting towards her room. She stops and turns again to throw him a pointed look.  
  
"You're coming tonight, right?" he asks. Izzy scowls.  
  
"What's tonight?"  
  
Jace squints at her. "I told you already, we're all going out for drinks to celebrate Alec's successful cabinet meeting with the Downworld."  
  
Izzy lets out a sigh. _Right._ The cabinet meeting.  
  
It's not that Izzy didn't remember. It's only that lately, with the long nights she's spent obsessively thinking about her situation with _Simon_ , and _Maia_ , and the whole mess this has been, she's been completely out of character. She zones out more often. Her attention span is shorter. She finds it hard to retain information.  
  
Who? _Isabelle Lightwood_. Who is well known for graduating from all her classes with flying colors. Who is the best forensic pathologist in the entirety of New York.  
  
She hates that she's let it all affect her so much. But she can't avoid it, no matter how hard she tries to.  
  
And the last thing she wants right now is to go out for drinks. With _everybody_ , including Simon and Maia. She tries _so_ hard to not think of everything that has went down the past few weeks and all that she has realized, but she seriously can't handle seeing him again.  
  
Last week, watching him with Maia, broke her heart in ways she never wanted.  
  
But she had promised her friends she would join them, even though she certainly wasn't feeling the part. She owed it to Alec to be there. Her brother's been working so hard lately, Izzy would lie if she didn't admit that out of them all; the one who deserves a break the most is him.  
  
Another piece of evidence that Izzy no longer feels like herself: she was usually the one to drag them all out in night clubs and dance floors.  
  
Now, all she wants to do, no matter the time of the day is sit in bed and sleep for hours.  
  
She still plasters on a fake smile, though.  
  
"Sure," she assures Jace. "I'll be there."  
  
Jace winks at her, and walks away smirking.  
  
****  
  
Okay. Izzy feels slightly better now.  
  
She took a long, hot shower, exfoliated, moisturized, and picked the cutest outfit while she waited for her hair mask to work its magic.  
  
That's undoubtedly her go-to remedy. What a better way to feel better than take care of her body? Izzy owes herself that.  
  
She's currently sitting in front of the mirror, curling her dark hair into messy waves. She has pinned half of them up in a neat bun, and let the rest hang loosely on her back. Her makeup is all done and perfected to the detail, her outfit is waiting for her spread out on her bead, and she still has another half an hour to spare before meeting the others in the op center.  
  
Izzy loves taking her time to get ready. It’s so refreshing.  
  
She finishes off her hair, double checks it in the mirror to confirm they sit the way she wants them to, and proceeds to slip on the burgundy dress she's picked.  
  
It's tight and short, sleeveless, with lace details revealing her bare back and chest and contrasting perfectly with the sharp swirls and angles of her runes. She ponders adorning her waist with a thin, silver belt but decides against it, choosing her whip to be the only piece of jewelry she wears.  
  
Someone knocks the door on her room the moment Izzy is zipping up her black, velvet, knee-high boots.  
  
"Come in!" she calls out, and Clary steps in to check on her. She's wearing a simple, dark green with golden details dress, which fits tightly against her upper body but flows freely around her legs. Izzy smiles.

She was the one who insisted Clary buys that dress.  
  
"Are you ready?" Clary asks, blatantly checking Izzy out. The latter teasingly twirls around herself to show off her outfit, and Clary hums approvingly. "This dress looks sick on you."  
  
"I mean," Izzy flicks a lock of hair off her shoulder, "Of course it does."  
  
Clary chuckles and gestures at them to head outside. Izzy grabs her phone and stele from her nightstand, shoving them in a small, folder-shaped purse and follows Clary's lead.  
  
"You have to admit, though, I was right about the dress."  
  
"Which dress? Mine?"  
  
Izzy nods.  
  
"Yeah well, I guess you were."  
  
"You _guess_? Girl, you're practically killing it right now. I'd waste no time asking you out if you weren't dating Jace."  
  
Clary giggles, and Izzy smiles brightly at her.  
  
She wonders what Maia will be wearing tonight.  
  
Not that it matters anyhow. Izzy is wondering purely out of curiosity.  
  
They meet Alec, Magnus and Jace at the op center just as they had arranged, exchange their greetings and compliments, and then they all step outside the Institute's doors to head to the club they're crashing tonight.  
  
The whole way there, Izzy's heart is running laps for some inexplicable reason. She knows Simon and Maia are already there waiting for them to arrive (he called Clary about seven times asking for directions to the bar) and she can't pinpoint the exact reason why she feels that way. She tries her best to maintain normal conversation with Clary, so the younger girl doesn't realize something's wrong, but while Izzy might seem calm and collected on the outside, her insides are twisting and turning.  
  
She hates having crushes so much.  
  
When they reach the entrance the bar, they're joined by Luke who also got there at the same time, eventually all heading inside together.  
  
How Izzy spots the couple in mere seconds leaves her confused to the core.  
  
What she sees first is Maia's hair. They somehow stand out a little. But it's probably because Izzy has spent much too long thinking about how soft they should probably feel under one's fingertips.  
  
_Simon's fingertips._  
  
Then it's the dark of her skin contrasting with Simon's pale complexion, even under the low lights.  
  
Also her outfit, which consists of a tight leather skirt worn with a zip up top above it. No jewelry.  
  
Izzy finds herself having to force time move forward, since she definitely felt it stop for a brief moment.

She doesn’t know who’s luckier. Maia, for getting to date Simon, or Simon for getting to date Maia.

It surely leaves Izzy wondering.  
  
Clary locates them too, and she quickly makes her way there, dragging Izzy by the hand.  
  
"Hey guys!" Clary greets cheerfully, and the pair greets back with equal amount of glee. She then goes ahead and gives them both a tight hug. Izzy tells herself to smile.  
  
Maia's eyes fall on hers. They rest there a second longer than necessary. "Long time no see," she exclaims, raising a brow.  
  
"I would say the same about you, in fact." And here it is again. That contagious happiness that characterizes Maia. Izzy doesn't even need to force a smile now.  
  
"Admit it, Izzy, you're the one who ghosted us," Simon points out, and Izzy's cheeks turn hot.  
  
She did have to turn down a couple of lunch plans, faking a hectic schedule, but it was all that she could do.  
  
"I've been very busy lately, sorry guys."  
  
"Nah, it's fine. Don't listen to whatever Simon says," Maia says, shaking her head. Clary chuckles, and instantly dives into conversation with Simon.  
  
The hectic schedule part of the white lie was actually true. The Shadowhunters really did have a relatively busy week, so it's only obvious for Clary to need to catch up with her best friend.  
  
"Um, are you getting anything to drink?" Maia asks, not long after she and Izzy are left alone by Simon and Clary.  
  
Izzy sighs happily. "God, _yes_. I've been waiting for this all day."  
  
Maia chuckles. "I'd lie if I said I didn't agree. It's been some tough days, those past few ones."  
  
"Really? What were you up to?"  
  
"There are a couple of newly scratched werewolves that joined the pack, and since Luke is busy with everything else, I'm left to take care of them. Second in command, and all," Maia explains, shrugging. "I don't mind the training, it's just that it takes _a lot_ of patience."  
  
"I can imagine," Izzy tries. She doesn't know why but she already likes how easy talking to Maia is. She had expected the energy around them to be awkward and antagonizing, because of Izzy's stupid little “crush” on Maia's boyfriend, but it's far from it. Maia leaves no place for heavy silences and long pauses.  
  
"You don't know the half of it," Maia sighs. "Anyway, let's go get our drinks."  
  
****  
  
"No, listen to me, all respect I could have for a person is instantly lost the moment I hear that they've cheated," Izzy says, her voice slightly louder than she'd want it to be.  
  
She's not sure how she and Maia ended up talking about relationship turn on and offs. All she knows is that her head is buzzing with the alcohol aftereffects.  
  
"It's not only cheating that can do that, though. Think about dating someone for months only for them to casually mention that they believe racism is only a part of the past by now."  
  
Izzy gasps. "Did someone really do that to you?"  
  
"No, not to me! It happened to my friend. He dated this girl for about six months, liked her very much, would constantly mention to me how genuine she is, yet one day he slams open the door to my apartment and announces that he majestically broke up with her because she said, and I quote, 'racism eradicated the moment Obama was elected president'. Can you believe it? How privileged should someone be in order to believe something like that?"  
  
"White privileged, definitely," Izzy points out. Maia hums positively and raises her glass.  
  
"I'll drink to that, girl."  
  
Izzy is super tipsy. That must be the reason why she feels like she's actually having fun right now.

Here she is, after midnight, talking about white privilege with her crushes’ very cute girlfriend.  
  
"Okay, I'll let you have this one. Cheating can in no way compare to an incident like that one."  
  
"Cheating's a different kind of ugly."  
  
"Oh, yes. Totally."  
  
Maia shakes her head and frowns. "How could-- It seems impossible to me. Why would someone cheat? Why would they prefer the bad way out of a relationship when they could just let their partner know about how they truly feel?"  
  
Izzy frowns as well. "I don't get it, either. It's so immature. And the cheater's point of view is always so ridiculous, they never make sense."  
  
"I can't imagine doing that to anyone. You must be heartless, hurting someone so deeply and still being able to continue your happily ever after later on."  
  
Izzy lifts her head to look at Maia. The girl is staring right back, dark eyes glassy with intoxication but filled with worry. She lets her eyes rest on hers for a little.  
  
If she searches deep enough, Izzy is sure that she will find a night sky hidden somewhere beneath the black of Maia's irises.  
  
_Has Simon found that night sky yet?_  
  
"Me neither," she agrees. "If it's all for you to cheat and mess it up, then don't even get in the relationship in the first place."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Izzy watches intensively as Maia's eyes lazily scan through the crowd inside the bar. She notices the softened expression on her face the moment her eyes meet Simon.  
  
Izzy wants to cry.  
  
"Well," Maia says, glancing back at Izzy while trying (and failing) to stifle a yawn, "I guess I'm out. It's getting late and I'm getting drunk."  
  
Izzy suddenly feels very tired as well. Her day has been long and exhausting; she barely got the time to rest before having to be out of the door again.  
  
"Me too, I think." She thinks about it for a second. "Are you gonna walk home, or?"  
  
"Simon's driving me. He promised he wouldn't drink so he could get me home safely," Maia smiles, adoration evident in her eyes.  
  
Yeah. Izzy definitely wants to cry.  
  
"Oh, okay. Well then, that makes it my cue to leave," she responds, and, well. She swears that for just a fraction of the second, Maia's stare loses its previous spark.  
  
Almost as if she's sad about Izzy leaving.  
  
"Goodnight, Maia."  
  
"Goodnight!" Maia answers, pondering slightly but eventually stepping forward to hug Izzy warmly.  
  
Izzy's heart drops to her stomach.  
  
So that's what Simon gets to feel when he hugs Maia. Her nose tingles as the curls touch her skin, and she closes her eyes at the feeling of Maia's body pressed against hers.  
  
_She gets to hug Simon like that every day._  
  
Izzy pulls away, this time really forcing a smile, and walking away without letting anyone know.  
  
When she gets home, and crashes at her bed after gently removing her makeup and stepping out of her dress and shoes, she recalls the night she spent with Maia, and that sinking feeling comes back.  
  
She should be jealous of Maia. She gets everything that Izzy wants in terms of relationships. Yet it's rare for her to bond with someone as quickly as she did with Maia.  
  
The more she gets to know her, the more Izzy realizes how much sense it made for Simon to date Maia.  
  
Why would Simon even bother with Izzy? Maia is _right there_.  
  
She falls asleep rather quickly, replaying the hug she and Maia shared before she left over and over again.  
  
****  
  
Izzy can't stop thinking about Maia.  
  
Not in the creepy way, nor the obsessive one.  
  
She's just a little... envious? She can't quite put it into words.  
  
But she keeps going back to the memories she has of Simon and Maia, of everything she’s heard about them and the relationship they've developed, and she wants something like that.  
  
She wants it specifically with Simon. She knows she can't have it, because of Maia, but it's almost like that makes her want it more.  
  
She hates herself a little for realizing the truth behind her feelings just a little too late. If she hadn’t, maybe now she'd just have a single shot into being with him.  
  
But Simon found Maia, and what they share is everything Izzy hadn't realized she needed, and that makes her beat herself up harder while she's training.  
  
She hopes getting it all out on the punching bag will help her brain stop spinning, but it's barely working. Izzy thinks of Maia, of her perfect physique, her smooth skin, her expressive eyes, those lips she knows are very soft to kiss.  
  
She thinks of Simon kissing Maia, and Izzy wants to be her.  
  
That's a very first for Izzy, feeling that way. The only competition she's ever felt she had was with herself. She's surely looked up to other women, idolized them, and even crushed on them, but never as strongly as she does now. And it's not even in the same way, what she feels about Maia.  
  
Right now, she wants to be her, in the purest sense of the word.  
  
She wants it because if she were, she would finally be able to date Simon.  
  
She wants to look like her, to have her curly hair and her darker in comparison skin and her pretty eyes, and her velvet voice, because she knows Simon likes all that.  
  
She wants to have her wit, her educated and thoughtful answers, her point of view in life, even though Izzy knows she herself is equally clever and open-minded.

It is Maia that Simon likes, not Izzy. Even if Izzy has a lot in common with her.  
  
She wants to have her lips, because they get to kiss Simon, or at least get to kiss them herself, to see what Simon tastes when his lips touch hers.  
  
Izzy throws a hard punch at the bag, her right knuckles aching and burning at the contact. She then hits the bag again, and again, and a fourth time, just so she can feel something else instead of the empty sensation resting at the bottom of her stomach. She's grateful for training alone, instead of with Alec or Clary like she usually does. She would hate having someone see her at such a vulnerable state.  
  
She grabs the punching bag to prevent it from swinging to and fro, and leans her forehead against it to catch her breath. Her eyelids fall closed, and she forces herself to calm down, despite it seeming impossible at the moment.  
  
Why did Izzy let herself grow so attached?  
  
All she can do right now is get over Simon, considering Izzy would _never_ get in between a relationship and break it for her own benefit.  
  
And that's exactly why it makes absolutely zero sense why she allowed a crush to happen.  
  
She could live without the additional heartache, thanks very much.  
  
She feels like crying.

No. That _won't_ happen. Izzy can't cry over some _guy_. Crying over a girl could be considered acceptable, but a guy?  
  
No male ever is worth her tears.  
  
But then she thinks about the look Maia gave her the moment she spotted Izzy last night at the bar, and she lets out a sob.  
  
She's going to ruin their relationship, and she won't even be able to do something to prevent it.  
  
Izzy runs to her room as quickly as she can, before anyone notices her tear stained cheeks, or her bleeding knuckles, and asks questions she can't give answers to.  
  
****

  
A couple of weeks after the crying incident which Izzy has deliberately erased from her memory, she wakes up at seven am because of her phone buzzing endlessly on her nightstand. She unlocks it to find six missed calls from Simon. As she’s still fazed from sleep, Izzy decides to contact Simon later, and instead try and go back to sleep. The night before was long, and Izzy needs her beauty sleep.  
  
She was on mission with Jace and Clary, at some demon attack that unpredictably lasted for far more than it should have. They all got back to the Institute at three in the morning, drenched in sweat and sticky with demon ichor.  
  
Apparently, though, the universe doesn't want Izzy to get some rest, because an hour later, her phone wakes her up again.  
  
She picks up without even checking the caller ID.  
  
"Izzy, where the hell have you been?" Simon yells at the speaker, and Izzy feels a headache brewing.

 _Really, Simon?_  
  
Well, okay. She still does like Simon, no doubt about that.  But is it really necessary for him to be that loud this early in the morning?

Izzy lets her eyelids shut.  
  
"Where the hell have _you_ been? It's barely eight A.M."  
  
"I barely slept last night."  
  
Izzy snaps her eyes open, in sudden worry. "Why? Is everything okay?"  
  
"Do you really think everything is okay when I’ve been literally called you about ten times?"

“They were only seven.”

“Does it matter? _No_ , Izzy. Because nothing is okay. Last night was a mess.”

 _Seriously._ Simon. The headache is starting to form. He speaks way too quickly and loudly for a sleep deprived mind to be capable of following.  
  
"Just tell me what's up."  
  
Simon sighs heavily. "It's Maia."  
  
Izzy sits up at that. Her vision goes black at the edges and she feels momentarily lighthearted, but she's even more worried now so she can’t bring herself to care about that.  
  
"What about Maia?"  
  
"I wish I knew. She's been acting weird lately."  
  
"Weird how?"  
  
"Distant, kind off. I can't explain it. But something has been off about her behavior and when I confronted her about it, she got very defensive. We had our first fight last night."  
  
Izzy scowls. "That's odd. She didn't tell you why?"  
  
"She insisted everything was fine, and I didn't want to put pressure on her, so I was about to drop it and change the subject but then she went off about how I need to let her breathe sometimes. I _didn't_ force her to speak at all. I only asked because I care about her."  
  
"Well maybe she wasn't ready to talk yet. Are you sure you didn't say or do anything that might have hurt her?"  
  
"Yes, Izzy. I am. I wasn't treating her any different than usual. I have no clue about what happened."  
  
Izzy furrows her brow. Maia surely doesn't seem like the kind of person who would get angry over nothing.

Wait.

Why would Simon call Izzy about it, though? What about Clary? She is his best friend, not Izzy.

"Simon, I'll admit that's very sketchy, but why did you call me?"  
  
Izzy can tell Simon is shrugging. "I don't know. I figured you can maybe find out what's wrong since you and Maia have been growing close lately. I asked Clary first, but she can only provide moral support, she said."  
  
Well, Simon has a very good point about the growing close part.  
  
Izzy and Maia have indeed grown closer. They occasionally went out together, either for coffee, or lunch, or they simply hung around with each other when the whole group made plans.  
  
Their outings were often accompanied by Simon, and Izzy wasn't entirely feeling comfortable about it, but she learned to ignore it as best as she could. Him and Maia weren't much... couple-y or keen on public displays of affection when they were around their friends, and Izzy was eternally grateful for that.  
  
She wouldn't have been able to handle it, if that was the case.  
  
“So, do you want me to,” Izzy suggests, “talk to her, or something?”

“Can you?” Simon sounds very hopeful through the line. Izzy wouldn’t be able to say no to him even if she tried.

How she will manage to subtly talk to Maia, though? That’s a whole other subject.

Izzy lets out an elongated sigh.  
  
"I'll see whether I can do anything to help," she says, mashing her lips together.  
  
"What-- Thank you. I thought it would take more convincing than that. Seriously. Thank you so much."  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
Izzy hangs up without even allowing Simon to tell her goodbye, and she falls back on the bed. She rubs a frustrated hand on her face and sighs.  
  
Here she is, liking Simon, and at the same time working to fix his and his girlfriend's faulty relationship. Izzy really isn't sure why she agreed to do this.

But there was something about the hope hidden in Simon’s voice when he questioned whether Izzy could help. Izzy didn’t have the heart to let him down.

And it’s not like there wasn’t something else in getting to see Maia again.

Izzy just persuades herself it’s not of importance.  
  
She picks up the phone again, just to find her and Maia's text thread and send her a text to ask whether she's up for anything today.

She’s determined to help, so she’s going to waste no time doing so.

Izzy reluctantly crawls out of bed so she can hop into the shower and get ready for the day. Sleep is no longer an option anyway.  
  
****  
  
Maia agreed to grab dinner later the same day, so Izzy hangs around in the Institute doing nothing while she waits for time to pass. It’s an abnormally slow day for their Institute, so she ends up bothering Alec while he works at the office, constantly asking him whether there's any project for her left to take up, or teasing him like the classic little sister she is, but as it turns out it isn't a busy day for Alec either. She and her brother die of boredom together.  
  
Izzy isn't exactly nervous for her upcoming meetup with Maia. She guesses she's just antsy, knowing that she technically has to fish up for information and not just spend time with her like they usually do. That’s how she explains her inability to remain calm and collected.  
  
She has come to love Maia's company. She knows that it's very anticlimatic, and she hates to be that person, but Maia truly is very kind. She’s softspoken, too. Every time she and Izzy are together it is guaranteed that they will completely isolate themselves from their environment and only listen to each other.  
  
It's a little strange, as far as Izzy is concerned. There's something captivating about Maia; and she doesn't seem to be aware of how deeply it affects her.  
  
Whatever Izzy had initially thought about her, if she thought she wanted to experience what Maia did when it comes to dating Simon, now that they've started bonding more, it is certainly magnified. And, she won't lie to herself. Sometimes, her feelings and the way her heart grows with emotion every time they're together scare her shitless.

But. As stated. Izzy deems that of zero importance.  
  
And when it's finally time for her to leave and go meet Maia, the latter feels more than just antsy.  
  
She can easily recognize Maia's figure the moment she turns left to the corner near her apartment block. The girl is sitting at the top of the few stairs leading up to the front door, busying herself with her phone. She seems so caught up in what she was doing she doesn't even realize Izzy is standing right in front of her.  
  
"Am I really that uninteresting, Maia? Not even lifting your head to look at me?" she asks, a playful smirk on her face. Maia jumps back at the sound of Izzy's voice.  
  
"Jeez, Isabelle, normal people just say hi."  
  
"I've been standing here for about ten minutes. You barely batted an eye,” Izzy deadpans.  
  
Maia's mouth falls open in shock. "Have you, really?"  
  
Izzy lets out a laugh. "No, you idiot. I'm just messing with you. What's up?"  
  
Maia shrugs awkwardly. "All good, I guess."  
  
"C'mon. I can tell when it's truly all good and when you're very obviously lying."  
  
Maia rolls her eyes, but Izzy knows she's not really annoyed. She lifts a brow, meaning for Maia to speak up.  
  
"I'll tell you over dinner."  
  
****  
  
Twenty minutes later, they've sat down at some place Maia recommended, and had their orders taken. Izzy waits until Maia feels ready enough to speak.  
  
Truth to be told, it's the first time that she and Maia will get to talk about something more personal. Surely enough, they've so far had their fare share of deep conversations, mostly over text, when they were both tired but not quite as much as to go to sleep, but not on a personal level. Not about something concerning one of them. Conviniently enough, they rarely talk about Simon.  
  
Izzy wonders whether that discussion will leave them in an awkward place.  
  
"Me and Simon kind of had a fight last night," Maia says.  
  
Wow. That was quick enough.  
  
Izzy decides it's going to be better if she acts like she's learning all about the fight from Maia. Less explaining to be done.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yeah," Maia bows her head, "And it's completely my fault."  
  
"How are you so sure that it's your fault?"  
  
"Because it is."  
  
Izzy evacuates the chair she was occupying, and goes to sit across the booth, next to Maia. "Go on," she urges, "Tell me what happened."

Maia knits her brows together. “Are you sure? I don’t wanna bother you with my issues.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m always here to listen to you, Maia. No matter how small your problem at hand is.”  
  
Maia nods, interlacing her hands together in her lap. It takes her a moment before continuing, but Izzy remains patient.  
  
"I guess-- I don't think there's anything specific I did that caused us to fight. It's all because of my head, and overthinking and whatnot."  
  
"Overthinking how?"  
  
"In the bad way. See... Simon is the first serious relationship I've had in a long time. And sometimes--" Maia gulps down a knot in her throat, "I'm scared I'll ruin it."  
  
Izzy scowls. "Maia, why would you ruin it? You're one of the most authentic people I know."  
  
Which is very true.  
  
"I ruined it once in the past.”

Izzy doesn’t reply yet. She can tell Maia has more to say.

 “It was when I was freshly scratched, and didn't think it was a big deal that I wasn't in control. I was on a date with this guy, which I really liked, and hoped that me and him would have a future past the dating stage."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We never got past the dating stage, if that's what you're asking. We went on a date on the night of a full moon, and on our way back, I Turned. It was my first time. I still don't know how he got away and I didn't tear him apart."  
  
Izzy's heart contracts. "Maia, I-- I'm so sorry."  
  
"It was a long time ago. It wasn't the most tragic thing I've went through. It just made me even more cautious about love than I previously was."  
  
She ignores Maia's casual mention of the word love. She wouldn't come as a surprise if Maia loves Simon. It would sadden her, but not take her aback.  
  
Izzy is smart enough to realize that there's more to the story, though. She isn't sure about whether she should push for more information, but she wants to know. It's barely about Simon anymore. Izzy is frankly interested.  
  
"Who was he?" she asks.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The guy who broke your heart long before you wolfed out on your date night. Who was he?"  
  
Maia's brows knit together. Izzy can understand the inner battle happening inside her.  
  
She suddenly feels awful for asking.  
  
"No, nevermind. You don't have to tell me. It was stupid of me to ask--"  
  
"Jordan Kyle."  
  
Izzy almost can't tell the faint voice coming from Maia is truly hers. She stops talking, and is only left staring back at Maia, eyes wide with wonder. Right on time, a waiter stops by their table, delivering their orders and refilling their glasses with water. Izzy mumbles a quick thank you, and the waiter walks away.  
  
She turns her full and undistracted attention towards Maia, completely forgetting about her food, no matter how hungry she is. Food can wait. Maia can't.  
  
Izzy notices that Maia's eyes have turned glassy, and she instantly wants to cry.  
  
No matter who that dick Jordan Kyle was, Izzy wants to find him and murder him for hurting Maia even in the slightest.  
  
"You really don't have to tell me, Maia."  
  
"No, just-- let me get it out."  
  
Izzy nods, scooting closer to her. She places her hand over Maia's, which are still rested on her lap. Maia untangles them and catches Izzy's hand with her own for support. She breathes in shakily.  
  
"He was my first everything. First love, first kiss, first boyfriend. Back then, I was naïve enough to believe that him and I would grow old together. He was treating me with respect, we would rarely argue, and if we did, we would quickly make up and act like nothing had ever gone wrong with us. Until he started being--" Maia presses her lips in a tight line, "Possesive, and irrational. I broke up with him trying to protect myself from a further heartbreak. When I mended and went back to dating, I ran into him again while on a date with someone else. That was the last time I ever had an encounter with him. Though he made sure that encounter was an unforgettable one."  
  
Izzy shivers, fearing the answer to her next question. "Did he... assault you?"  
  
Maia shakes her head. "He was the wolf that scratched me. According to him, it was something he did to let me know I was forever his in every way, whatever that meant. What really matters is that he Turned me, and then he ran away, never to come back."  
  
"He better not come back, or else I will haunt him down."  
  
Maia chuckles weakly. "After me."  
  
Izzy smiles widely, despite the seriousness of the situation.  It’s weirdly calming to see Maia isn’t willing to neither forgive nor forget what that _Jordan_ did to her.

She’s so brave.

Maia Roberts has been through hell, yet she made that hell _her bitch._  
  
"That's why I went off on Simon," Maia continues. "It wasn't that he said anything to trigger me. Sometimes, I simply get too overwhelmed for no reason at all, and whoever is with me suffers through it. I'm surprised he hasn't broken up with me yet."  
  
Izzy nods at that. She shifts a little on her seat.  
  
"Okay, listen to me."  
  
Maia tilts her head up and looks at her.  
  
"What you feel is completely valid. You have every right to be scared and to isolate yourself in order to protect from potential heartbreak. And you've been through so much; it's only fair for you to take your time to open up. But Simon is different than everyone you've been with. I've known Simon for a little longer than you have, and I know how sweet and caring he is. If you're ready, you can tell him your story. He will do nothing but listen and respect you, I'm sure of it. It's what Simon does."  
  
"But I can't risk losing him too."  
  
"You won't lose him. And if you do, you won't be alone. You'll still have me, no matter what happens."  
  
Which is also very true.  
  
Izzy doesn't know where this confidence is coming from, but she's glad that it is.  
  
Maia lets out a deep sigh. "Will he agree to listen to me, though? He seemed pretty upset last night."  
  
"Maia, I can assure you that as we speak, he's out there somewhere desperately screaming at Clary about how he doesn't want to end things with you. I can call Clary to confirm it, if that’s what you want."  
  
Maia giggles at that. A small blush creeps up Izzy’s cheeks. "Okay then. I guess I'll try and explain it all to him."  
  
"Oh, also. If you want you two to slow things down a bit, you should totally point it out. Guys are too stupid to realize it by themselves," Izzy exclaims, as an attempt to lighten the mood a little.  
  
Another giggle emits from Maia. It's actually kind of an adorable sound. "Duly noted."  
  
Izzy grins at her, earning a grin back. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Better now, definetely. Thanks for being here," Maia responds, and Izzy dismisses her quickly.  
  
"Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me," she says.  
  
Maia raises her eyebrows, and Izzy's momentarily met with a fond look in her eyes. It's gone before she has the time to process it fully.  
  
"C'mon now, let's eat. All this talking got me starving like a wolf."  
  
"Should I remind you that I'm the wolf, and you're the Shadowhunter, or...?"  
  
Izzy snorts, but her smile is prominent on her face. Maia's is twice as big.  
  
"I'm pretty much aware of that, thank you."  
  
Maia winks at her, and Izzy’s heart is palpitating. they both dive into their food and in an entirely different conversation all together.  
  
****  
  
The next morning, Izzy opens her eyes, and doesn't recognize her surroundings. She sits up and blinks a few times to get used to the light shining through the big windows.  
  
Last night's events slowly come back to ther memory.  
  
After dinner, Maia invited Izzy over since the latter didn't feel like going back to the Institute, and they stayed up drinking wine and talking for hours. Izzy can only recall the night up to a certain point, and after that she guesses she fell asleep right there on the couch she now wake up on.  
  
She curiously looks around, only to spot Maia standing in front of the kitchen counter. Izzy's eyes absentmindedly rest on her, taking in the long, lean legs left bare by the pair of shorts she's wearing, and how a loose, oversized t-shirt falls over the upper half of her body. She can tell the t-shirt she's wearing isn't hers, and the thought of Simon lending Maia his clothes makes Izzy's stomach clench.  
  
After all that time she's spent with Maia, Izzy had figured she knew better than still feeling jealous of her. But apparently not.  
  
Izzy sighs, but doesn't say anything, not wanting to let Maia that she's awake just yet. Not long after, though, Maia turns, holding a tray with food and intending to leave it on the kitchen table. She stops right on her tracks the moment she notices Izzy staring.  
  
Maia tilts her head and offers a lop-sided smile. "Good morning, gorgeous."  
  
_Gorgeous?_ This hit Izzy in an unexpected way.  
  
"Good morning. You're up early." She hates how raspy her voice sounds.  
  
Maia bores her stare into her. "No, you're just up late. All that wine got you dropping dead within seconds."  
  
Izzy shrugs. "It was a long day."  
  
Okay. That's a lie. All she did all day was sit and wait until it was time for her to meet Maia.  
  
_Until it was time for her to meet Maia._  
  
"I wasn’t cruel enough to wake you up and tell you to go sleep in my bed for better, because you've told me how cranky you are when you wake up, so I let you sleep here. Hope it wasn't as uncomfortable as it seemed," Maia says while setting the table for two.

 _Setting the table for two._  
  
Izzy knits her eyebrows together. Realization is starting to dawn on her, but she's yet to allow herself to think properly.  
  
Maia listens to everything Izzy tells her. She remembers every shitty little thing Izzy has told her, even under alcohol intoxication.  
  
"It wasn’t uncomfortable at all, don’t worry,” Izzy responds calmly.

Maia sighs, relieved. “Thank God. I wouldn’t want to be that awful of a hostess.”

“Thank you for letting me crash here,” Izzy then says, smiling a little hesitantly.  
  
Maia props one hand at her waist. She turns serious all of the sudden. "Are you joking right now? Why would I not let you stay over? My house is your house. So, suit yourself."  
  
_My house is your house._  
  
It then strikes Izzy.  
  
No matter how crazy it sounds to her at the moment, she _wants_ Maia's house to be her house too. It feels home-ly enough.  
  
Oh. _Shit._

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.  
  
How did Izzy only realize right now?  
  
She looks up at Maia, her face pale and her eyes wild with fear.  
  
_It all makes sense now._  
  
That doesn't prevent her from feeling as terrified and lost as ever, though.  
  
Maia stares quizzically. "Isabelle, are you okay?"  
  
That startles her, who tries to convey all that she feels. She must stay calm, now more than ever. "Yeah, yeah, don't worry. I'm just a little dizzy."  
  
"Didn't have you for a lightweight. You seem like you're hangover just from wine," Maia points out. Izzy fakes a laugh to keep the girl from worrying.  
  
"I told you, it was a long day. Did you make breakfast?"  
  
Thankfully, that averts Maia's attention from her. Izzy already feels like she has all lights projected at her. Or that she's stuck a sign on her forehead saying "Hugely oblivious idiot; proceed with caution".  
  
Because she truly is an awfully oblivious idiot. Who also happens to have feelings for a whole other person than she'd come to think.  
  
Maia goes on to explain everything she has prepared, and Izzy almost mechanically unwraps herself from the blanket Maia covered her with at some point, making her way to the table.  
  
If them together wasn't awkward then, right now it definitely will be.  
  
Then Izzy remembers the reason she originally met with Maia all together, and winces.  
  
That's why she was so quick to help Simon. Helping him meant seeing Maia again.

And this time for a reason that actually meant her getting to know Maia better.  
  
"What are you gonna do with Simon?" she asks, after they've both sat down to eat. Alittle something to help them maintain a normal conversation and not lead Izzy's brain to a complete meltdown.  
  
Maia looks up, and shrugs. "I don't know. I still need some time to gather up my courage, but I will tell him, eventually."  
  
Izzy nods. She knows that's the right thing for her to do. "You should. He won't be anything but supportive."  
  
"I know."  
  
Maia seems to ponder on it a little, and then she smirks to herself.  
  
"You know I wouldn't be able to tell him if it weren't for you, right?"  
  
Izzy tries not to blush. She fails majestically. "I didn't do anything."  
  
"You listened," Maia insists. "That was everything."  
  
Izzy was avoiding looking at her straight in the eyes, in fear of exposing herself, but now she can't not glance up. She's met with large, dark brown eyes that seem all too familiar, yet at the same time new all over again.  
  
Maia is currently hiding so much emotion beneath those eyes; Izzy is scared to think of what that means.  
  
"Then know that I'll never not listen to you."  
  
Maia smirks again, a little shyer now. Izzy can tell something is holding her back.  
  
"The same goes to you as well," Maia whispers candidly, and looks down before Izzy can feel anything more.  
  
****

Izzy's mind is spinning.  
  
She's so, _freaking_ , stupid.  
  
Izzy is the freaking best forensic pathologist in New York, the smartest one in her family, yet she's for the first time proven to be a monumental idiot.  
  
_Simon, really?_  
  
Was Izzy really that clueless? How could she not _tell_?  
  
She was so caught up in trying desperately to feel jealous of Maia she didn't even realize that she was growing to like her as more than a friend.  
  
Way more than, actually.  
  
God, she wishes she could slap herself.  
  
All these thoughts she's had about Maia. All these things she's felt when even just looking at her. How could Izzy translate all the symptoms of a very obvious attraction as jealousy? Or just platonic attraction?  
  
_Hell_ , Izzy thought of kissing Maia way too many times than she wants to admit. But, sure, according to her, it was nothing more than simply putting herself in Maia's shoes for Simon's sake.  
  
Izzy was trying so hard to convince herself she wanted to be like Maia, all because she was terrified to admit she wanted to be _with_ her instead.  
  
Izzy has to tell someone. She'll go crazy otherwise. She knows she can't, but she has to.  
  
She grabs her phone to call Clary and ask of her whereabouts, but she stops right before hitting the button.  
  
_Clary is Simon's best friend. And Izzy has the world's worst crush on Simon's girlfriend._  
  
She thinks of telling Alec. But Alec is friends with Maia. And he's terrible at keeping secrets.  
  
Jace is out of the question.

Magnus?  
  
No. He and Alec never keep secrets. She'd rather tell Alec herself than let Alec know indirectly.  
  
Izzy drops her phone on her mattress, and paces up and down her room. There's no emotion adequate enough to explain the way she feels right now.

She is _dying_ to tell someone, yet she can’t, so she’s left pining after someone hopelessly.

And the worst thing is that Izzy would _never_ be the one to tear a relationship apart and keep the pieces for herself, so she’s literally reached a dead end.  
  
This is even worse than believing she liked Simon. At least with him she knew for sure that he was into girls. But, Maia?  
  
Setting aside the occasional... vibes she's getting from her (which could be nothing but Izzy being delusional) Maia has only ever spoken about guys, as far as Izzy is concerned. She might be sometimes thinking there is something not that straight about Maia, but that doesn't mean it's the truth.  
  
Maia is most likely straight, nevertheless.  
  
And even if she isn't, she has a boyfriend. Izzy made sure she still has one, anyway.  
  
But then again, that hopeful glance she gave Izzy this morning was... indicating. She doesn’t know how, but it was.  
  
But then again, Izzy is losing it.  
  
She was _never_ the one to overthink. She always called out Alec for doing so. Yet here she is now. Frustrated and driving her own brain to madness.  
  
She doesn't realize she's crying until a tear spills on her cheek and runs down her face.  
  
****  
  
She stays in bed for the rest of the day.  
  
Whoever comes in, she kicks out, faking exhaustion. She isn't sure she's faking anything, though. Her heart feels twenty pounds of worn out, and her body does too.  
  
Until Clary knocks on her door, and refuses to leave until Izzy lets her in.  
  
Clary throws the door open with one hand, the other curled around a steaming cup.  
  
"Brought you some tea," she says.  
  
"Leave it on my nightstand, please," Izzy replies, her words sounding jumbled from the way she's buried under her duvet.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
No. Izzy is not okay. But Clary can't know that.  
  
"I'm just worn out," Izzy explains. "I've been sleeping poorly lately."  
  
"Have you, really?" Clary persists.  
  
That earns a sigh from Izzy.  
  
"C'mon, Izzy, I know you. There's something else going on as well, isn't that right?"  
  
"I wouldn't lie to you, Clary," Izzy replies, poking her head out to look at her. She smiles faintly. "I just need to recharge, is all."  
  
She knows Clary isn't convinced, but it works well enough for her to drop it. "Whatever. Let me know when you're ready to talk."  
  
Clary turns to walk out, winking at Izzy before shutting the door again.  
  
She shoves her head back down the duvet, and forces herself to sleep.  
  
****  
  
She's woken in the middle of the night by a dream.  
  
She saw Maia confronting her about her feelings, and laughing at her when Izzy admits she's into her.  
  
Her laugh was maniac, almost maddening.  
  
She's drenched in sweat, and she feels as if someone stomped down on her heart.

She reflectively grabs the phone to check it, even though she knows no one would ever contact her that late.

That’s why she’s so surprised to find out a text from Simon.

[ **Simon** // 3:12 am] All good with Maia. thank you so much for your help!!

She doesn’t even bother to reply.  
  
She only wishes she could permanently delete her emotions to stop dealing with the heartache they're bringing.  
  
****  
  
Izzy sleeps in late, again.  
  
Truth to be told, she doesn't know whether it was because of the wine, or because of her being at Maia's place, but the night she stayed over was one of the most peaceful ones she's had in a long time.  
  
Now she's back to endless thinking and no sleeping.  
  
As she's about to grab her towel and step into the shower to really wake herself up, her phone buzzes with a phone call. Izzy unplugs it from the charger she'd had it on overnight and curses under her breath when she sees the contact's name.  
  
_Maia._  
  
She picks up before giving it too much thought.  
  
"Hey, Maia."  
  
"Izzy! Hey! I didn't expect you to pick up."  
  
Maia's voice sounds so cheerful through the speaker. It warms Izzy's heart.  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"Alec told me you're feeling under the weather so I figured you'd still be sleeping by now."  
  
"You still called, though."  
  
"Yeah, well, thought I'd give it a shot."  
  
Izzy kind of missed her. Under normal circumstances they'd keep texting each other after separating ways yesterday morning, but these weren't normal circumstances at all.  
  
"So, what's up?" Izzy asks.  
  
"Oh! Right," Maia says, as though she forgot the real reason why she called. "I told Simon last night."  
  
That sinking feeling is back. "You did?"  
  
"Yeah. You were right, by the way. He was so relieved to know that I trust him enough to tell him something that big."  
  
"Of course I was right," Izzy means it the sarcastic way, but it comes off more cocky. Maia's laugh echoes in her ear.  
  
"I should really listen to you more, shouldn't I?"  
  
"I mean, that would be recommended."  
  
_C'mon, Izzy. Flirting? The girl's got a boyfriend._  
  
"I'll remember that," Maia responds, her smile practically audible through the phone. "Anyway, are you feeling better today?"  
  
"Kind of," Izzy lies. "I've lost a lot of sleep so I'm still catching up on it."  
  
"Aw," Maia coos. "Hope you feel better soon."  
  
"I hope so too."  
  
"Listen, um, if you're better tomorrow wanna meet up for lunch? I found this _awesome_ place yesterday, I'm sure you'll love it."  
  
Only Maia would take Izzy to restaurants she knows she'll love.  
  
Sometimes she makes it hard for her to believe that the girl is committed. It also makes her wonder how much more she would do for her, if she were dating Izzy instead of Simon.  
  
A jolt of pain hits her heart.  
  
"We'll talk again tomorrow, okay?"  
  
Maia sighs softly. It's caught on her microphone. "Okay. Talk to you later, Iz."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Izzy hangs up, and she overcomes the need to crawl back in bed and stay there for twenty more years.  
  
****  
  
She knows she wouldn't be able to avoid Maia forever, though.  
  
A few days later, when she's finally made it out of bed and working back to being the loyal Shadowhunter that she is, Clary made plans for the whole group.  
  
That including Maia, of course.  
  
Izzy wasn't too quick to turn down the offer, figuring that a night out wouldn't hurt. She wouldn't be able to keep herself away from Maia or Maia away from her, but she was willing to make that sacrifice for the sake of the bittersweet oblivion alcohol can bring.  
  
And as predicted, the night did end up being easy to deal with. Maia and Simon were late, surprisingly enough, so by the time they arrived, Izzy had already downed her first drink. Clary did look at her a bit funny the moment she notices the speed with which Izzy was drinking, and she also got a warning look from Alec, who promised to keep an eye on her all night.  
  
Well, that was until he had a couple of drinks himself and loosened up just as much as he needed to cling on Magnus more adorably than he usually does.  
  
And Izzy was pleased and saddened to find out that no matter what, they _never_ run out of things to say with Maia. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was Izzy being very relaxed, or maybe it was Maia who cares as much as to not let the conversation die down. They practically sat there for about half an hour arguing over which will be the first one to propose, Alec or Magnus.  
  
Seeing them so close to each other especially after a couple of drinks is a very interesting thing to talk about, okay?  
  
Izzy insisted Magnus, because her brother's still learning his way into the whole "loving" thing. Maia, on the other hand, wouldn't take no as an answer, betting everything she owns on Alec.  
  
"He can be a big old softie if he wants, he can totally propose," she had said. Izzy was shaking her head.  
  
"Whatever. Guess we'll just have to wait and see."  
  
The next question came as a surprise to Izzy, she has to admit.  
  
"Would you do it?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"You know... propose first."  
  
Izzy had felt her voice sticking to her throat, but she was too drunk to really do anything about it.  
  
"I would, I think," she had replied, impressing even herself with her answer. "If the person was worth it, I wouldn't knock it till I tried it."  
  
Maia smiled as faintly as she could under the influence of the cocktails she had, but she agreed with Izzy.  
  
"Me too. Although nothing beats being proposed to."  
  
Looking back at it now, thinking about it more thoroughly at the moment, when Izzy has drank her water, come back to half her senses and  is now lying awake on her bed, she knows that the moment she gave that answer to Maia, she was thinking of a future scenario where she and Maia are together.  
  
Because, you see, Maia is totally a person worth proposing to.  
  
And, though Izzy knows there's no way that's happening, there's nothing stopping her from daydreaming about it.  
  
She slips into restless sleep once again, tossing and turning all night, while trying to find Maia in at least one uplifting dream.  


****

With a lot of effort, Izzy's life gets back to normal.  
  
Or what could be considered normal, when you think of everything that's happened lately.  
  
Time has worked wonders on her.  
  
She no longer feels anxious or out of place whenever she and Maia interact. She's now learned to tone down the romantic attraction, and be there for Maia in the way Izzy knows she needs her to be.  
  
As a friend.  
  
It does crush her to know that what she feels for Maia might probably never be reciprocated, but she prefers having Maia like that than not having her at all.  
  
Her and Izzy are back to being the way they used to. They're meeting almost daily, and texting when not. Maia trusts Izzy more than she did before, and it's evident in the way that she expresses herself, or that she voices her opinions. Izzy would never notice there was something keeping her out before, but know that she knows better, the difference is remarkable.  
  
Although, unfortunately for Izzy, Maia's relationship with Simon lives on stronger than ever. And, even though she has come a long way, that doesn't mean  Izzy can sit and watch Simon lean in to whisper something in Maia's ear, or rub fingers with his thumb over their interlaced fingers whenever they're all together. There's still the no PDA rule, if you must call her that, but they've certainly gotten touchier lately.  
  
Izzy has to avert her gaze whenever it lands on them.  
  
But even then, Izzy _swears_ there's something about Maia.  
  
Some looks they share. Some words they exchange.  
  
That can't all be friendly. Maia is always hanging by every word Izzy says, and she always remembers. And she _always_ makes sure Izzy knows that she remembers.  
  
That's not what friends do. That's not how friends act around each other.  
  
Yet all Izzy can do is stay silent and act as though her crush is nonexistent, for the sake of herself and her friendship with Maia.  
  
****  
  
A few weeks later, Izzy up later than usual, getting ready for the day. She has just finished applying her makeup when her phone buzzes with a text. She gets up, checking herself one last time in the mirror while smiling confidently, and goes to check it.  
  
Izzy’s heart jumps slightly when she sees the name.  
  
[ **Maia** // 9:17 am] : Wanna meet for breakfast? I need to talk to you.  
  
Izzy frowns. Why does she want to talk to her?  
  
Her head is already flooding with all the possible scenarios.  
  
_She and Simon had a fight. She and Simon broke up. Simon cheated on her. Maia cheated on him._  
  
No, jeez. That’s definitely not the case. Maia is not dumb, and cheating obviously is. Plus, she and Maia had already gone through that conversation. Izzy remembers that day very vividly.  
  
She tries to brush away the thoughts and types a quick response.  
  
[Me // 9:18 am] : Is everything okay?  
  
[ **Maia** // 9:18 am] : Yeah, don’t worry. I just want your insight on something.  
  
[Me // 9:19 am] : Meet you outside your house in 15? That’s the quickest I can do.  
  
[ **Maia** // 9:21 am] : Sounds great ❤  
  
Izzy’s eyes totally don’t linger a little longer on the red heart emoji Maia used. Totally. It’s not like it means anything, anyway.  
  
She grabs her black leather jacket from her closet and quickly makes her way out of the Institute. Unluckily enough, she can’t portal, so she’ll have to take the subway. Izzy sighs. She really dislikes mundane means of transportation. She wishes they weren’t as handy as they are.  
  
Izzy steps outside and walks to the nearest subway station.  
  
****  
  
As expected, 15 minutes later she’s hitting the buzzer at Maia’s apartment block. Maia lets her in and Izzy makes a beeline for the elevator. While inside, she runs a hand through her loosely curled hair, making sure they haven’t escaped their pristine condition they had when she finished styling them. She presses her lips together, and pretends not to be almost giddy when the doors slide open and she walks out to spot Maia waiting for her at the doorway.  
  
“Good morning,” Izzy greets, smiling widely. Maia grins back, mumbling a soft "hey", and closes the distance between them with a warm hug.  
  
Izzy feels her knees going weak. How is it even possible that she missed Maia? They just saw each other a couple days ago. And it’s not like they didn’t spend the day before exchanging YouTube links to kitten videos.

Yet still. Izzy feels like she's finally found peace, having Maia hug her, being able to rest her head on the girl's shoulder.  
  
They pull back, and Izzy is yanked back to reality.  
  
"Thank you for doing this," Maia says, sincerity filling her voice. "I know it's a little early, but I really wanted to see you."  
  
Izzy smiles again. It's impossible for her not to when she has Maia looking at her the way she does. Admirably, fondly, and always so, so softly.  
  
"Why are you thanking me? It's not even that early for me. Shadowhunters are early risers," she raises her brows cheekily, and crosses her arms over her chest. Maia grins brighter, and Izzy could swear that if it weren't for the dark of her skin, a blush would be prominent on her cheeks.  
  
"Still. Thank you."  
  
"So, where should we go? I know this great bakery a few blocks away, and I'd highly suggest we go there. Unless you have any other ideas, or you wanna try something new, or even go for McDonald's this time, since their breakfast never fails--"  
  
"Actually," Maia interrupts, "Do you wanna come in? I had time to spare, so I made pancakes."  
  
Izzy is about to agree, but she instantly hesitates. Didn't Simon sleep over at her place? She knows that Simon stays over most of the time; Maia had mentioned it before. So, why didn’t he right now?

She still doesn’t waste the opportunity, though.  
  
"Sure," she replies, and Maia opens the door further to welcome her. Once she steps in, Izzy is instantly greeted with the sweet scent of fresh pancakes stacked in a plate on Maia's kitchen counter, while slices of bacon are sizzling on a pan. She walks past the kitchen and further into the house, discarding her jacket on Maia's couch. The latter is back on stove duty, making sure the bacon doesn't burn, while Izzy wordlessly sets the table for them two.  
  
She has been over at Maia's way too many times by now. Her house could, in a sense, be Izzy's as well.

After all, that’s what Maia wanted as well.  
  
A few minutes later, they are seated across from each other, eating their food and talking nonsense. Izzy knows Maia is waiting for the right moment to bring up whatever is bothering her, so she doesn't push. Maia will speak at her own terms.  
  
"I'm telling you, that was the worst first impression Jace could have possibly made. I'm surprised he got away and I didn't punch him to death," Maia says, ending a story she had been talking about. Izzy laughs brightly, taking a sip from her coffee.  
  
"He had his reasons that day. But I sincerely do believe that if Jace tries hard enough, he can be a real jackass."  
  
"Absolutely. I'm glad I got to know him better, though. He means well."  
  
"It's the Lightwood in him," Izzy winks playfully, earning a giggle from Maia.  
  
"It might be. Though I'm sure you Lightwoods wouldn't be so proud to call Jace one of your own if you found out that our mutual hatred for him was what me and Simon initially bonded over."  
  
Izzy mock-gasps at that. "You didn't."  
  
Maia throws her head back in laughter. Izzy lets her eyes rest shamelessly on the way her curls bounce around as she laughs, or in the way her bare neck is exposed for Izzy to admire.  
  
"Yup. We did," Maia replies shortly after.  
  
Izzy watches as her smile slowly fades to a frown, and she knows what's coming. Her heart rate increases, no matter how hard she tries to stay nonchalant.  
  
"You okay there?" Izzy asks, reaching across the table to squeeze Maia's arm. Maia, who had rested her stare on her empty plate, obviously deep in thought, looked up at Izzy. She smiles faintly.  
  
"Actually, that's who I wanted to talk to you about."  
  
Izzy startles. "Jace?" That causes Maia to shake her head.  
  
"No. Simon."  
  
And, well. Izzy saw that coming. Which is exactly why she shouldn’t be feeling her heart fluttering with hope in that exact moment.  
  
She suppresses any reaction. _Nonchalant._  
  
"What about him? Are you two okay?"  
  
"No, I mean-" Izzy can tell Maia is nervous. She wishes she wasn't. It crushes her to think Maia is feeling that way. "Yes. We are okay. It's just that..."  
  
Izzy feels like she shouldn't speak yet. She should let Maia finish. Yet she urges Maia to continue. "That?"  
  
Maia blinks away hastily, looking back down, and it's only a matter of seconds before Izzy realizes that she's trying to hold in her tears.  
  
_No._

 _No, no, no, no, no._  
  
Izzy pushes back her chair and instead sits down on the one next to Maia. She pulls it closer to hers, and wraps her arm around her shoulders. Maia sighs, and rests her head on Izzy's shoulder, breathing in deeply.  
  
"You don't have to talk about it, you know. I can tell it's hard for you," Izzy tries. Maia lifts her head so she can look straight back at Izzy.  
  
She inhales sharply. There's barely any distance between them.

Maia speaks.  
  
"No, I wanna talk about it. I have to get it out of my chest because it's killing me and, Izzy, you're the only person I've come to trust as much as I probably can trust _anybody_. I just-" her voice hitches in her throat, "I can't believe I'm doing this to Simon."  
  
Izzy is completely baffled. Maia is not making any sense, but she lets her speak. Her heart feels too warm to reply, anyway.  
  
"I didn't want to tell you. Telling you makes it real, and you'll probably think I'm an awful person, but-"  
  
"Hey-" Izzy butts in. She lifts the hand that isn’t currently resting over Maia's shoulder, and brushes her cheek softly. Maia leans into the touch, and Izzy wants to keep touching her forever. "Believe me when I say that there's nothing you can say to me that will make me think you’re awful. I promise."  
  
Maia offers a pained smile. Izzy offers a fond one back.  
  
"I have a question to ask you," Maia says.  
  
"Bring it on."  
  
Maia hesitates again, which make Izzy curious about what exactly it is that troubles Maia that badly.  
  
She speaks a few seconds later, voice whispering. "Is it normal to have feelings for two people at once?"  
  
Izzy's breath catches. She certainly _did not_ expect that topic to be brought up. What is she even going to reply to that?

And _who_ is even Maia talking about?  
  
"Is that what you feel?"  
  
Maia nods shyly. Izzy's eyes are wide with shock, but she tries to conceal it.  
  
Maia has feelings for another person as well as Simon. _Another person._  
  
Izzy shifts a little in her seat. How does she stop her brain from overthinking the situation at hand so she can offer an adequate answer?  
  
And what are the chances that this other person Maia is referring to is Izzy herself?  
  
"What does that mean about you and Simon?" Izzy asks, a little hesitantly. Maia shakes her head in defeat.  
  
"I don't know. And that's what is making it all so--" her voice breaks, "confusing."  
  
"How did the other person come to be, though? Are you having... issues with Simon?"  
  
Maia frowns. "Issues? No, no such thing."  
  
"Then what is it?" Izzy knows she's asking for too much information, but she's barely sure about what is considered acceptable and what not, in that case.  
  
She wishes her questions didn't seemingly frustrate Maia so much. "I don't know."  
  
Izzy stares.  
  
"I'm serious," Maia tries. "It's very unlike me. You know I hardly trust anyone, let alone develop feelings, and Simon has been so patient. He never pressured me. He never asked for more than I gave. And I will always be thankful and care for him. I don't see a reason why I would have feelings for anyone else but him. But--" a sigh, "I think I couldn't avoid it either."  
  
Izzy smiles. It being about her or not, she still feels honored to have Maia trust her as much as to open up about how she truly feels. She has been through too much when she doesn’t deserve it, yet here she is, braver than anyone Izzy knows, learning how to trust and to love.  
  
How could Izzy not give her heart out for Maia to hold?  
  
"The person you're talking about..." Izzy says, carefully pronouncing each word so it doesn't give away how her heart is racing in her chest, "Do you think they feel the same way?"  
  
Maia knits her brows together in bewilderment. She ends up replying with a small shrug.  
  
"Do you _want_ them to feel the same way?"  
  
Maia blinks slowly, and it's like she's barely breathing anymore. Izzy can feel her tensing, so she's about to let it go and try to actually offer advice instead of fishing for information like it seems, but Maia mumbles a reply before she does so.  
  
"I think I do."  
  
And that's it.  
  
Izzy feels _something._  
  
She knows she's delusional, she knows that the chances are very slim, nonexistent even, but she swears, behind Maia's words, there is a small glimpse of hope that could indicate that she feels something too.  
  
She's intelligent. She knows Maia all too well. She has come to recognize every smallest movement of hers. Every facial expression. Every truth shining beneath her lies. And she knows, because she can't help but pay close attention.  
  
So, yes. Izzy knows that she isn't alone in all of this. She mustn’t be.  
  
"Maia?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What are you gonna do?"  
  
Another exasperated sigh. "I wish I knew."  
  
"Are you thinking of breaking up with Simon?"  
  
Maia turns to look at Izzy, eyes dark and glassy. "Should I?"  
  
Izzy lets out a soft chuckle. "That's not for me to decide."  
  
"Can you, though?" Maia smiles through her pain. "Please? Whenever I think about it too hard my heart feels like it will explode."  
  
Izzy is so endeared by that.  
  
She still has her arm wrapped around Maia, so she rubs small circles on her shoulder to soothe her. "Do whatever you feel is better for you. I'm very certain that if you sit down and talk to Simon, he will do nothing but understand and support you still. Like he’s done again in the past. But if you're scared of letting go, then don't. Feelings are tricky; don't expect to ever fully understand how they work."  
  
"But Simon deserves better than that. I don't want to hurt him."  
  
"Simon deserves someone who will truly care for him. Whether you will be that person or not, it doesn't matter. Believe me, Simon will prefer the temporary heartache than eventually discovering that you weren't fully engaged into the relationship you two had."  
  
Maia frowns. "It's not that I'm not committed. It's just-- I feel like I'm not enough for him. I’ve told you before, I can only give so much to him, and he never asks for more, but he _does_ need to have more. And I guess the fear of not being good enough of a girlfriend to him translated into me falling for someone else. That's the only way I can explain it."  
  
Izzy hates the fact that she’s able to validate Maia’s need to put herself down, given her troubled past.

Yet she wants to protect her, she wants to show her that she truly is enough, and more than. Show her that even though her worry is understandable, she’s truly worthy of love. But she wishes she knew how to do that.  
  
"Maia, look at me."  
  
Maia doesn't.  
  
"Maia."  
  
She lifts her head and meets Izzy's eyes.  
  
"Don't blame yourself for everything that you've been through. Don't blame yourself for not being able to trust easily simply because you found yourself in a relationship that broke you. And don't _ever_ feel like you're not enough. Because you are. And Simon would never let anything make you sad or uneasy, and that applies to your relationship as well. If you feel like you can't be with him, for whatever reason that is, talk to him. He wants the best for you. Even if that includes you two being separated."  
  
She's not sure exactly at what part of her small speech it happened, but Maia's eyes welled up with tears. She hates to see her so vulnerable, so... helpless. But Maia must know Izzy will always be honest with her, and that's probably why she sought out for her advice.  
  
"But what if--" a tear rolls down Maia's cheek, which Izzy is quick to wipe away with the tip of her thumb, "What if it doesn't work out? With the other person? What if I ruin my relationship with Simon only to get my heart broken all over again?"  
  
"I will be here to help you through it. Simon will be, too, but as a friend this time. Maia," Izzy says, feeling her own tears choking her up, "you're not alone. You are never alone."  
  
Both of them are crying, and surely neither is sure why. But it results in Maia throwing herself into Izzy's arms, burying her face in the crook of her neck, sobs still shaking her body. Izzy holds her, with her hand running up and down her back. She smells the faint, rosy smell of her shampoo as her curly head blurs her vision, and she wants to stay there forever.  
  
"Whatever you decide," Izzy calmly murmurs, "I will be by your side. Like I’ve always been."  
  
Maia hums softly in reply, her body finally relieved of the tension Izzy could feel she had.  
  
****

Izzy stays over at Maia's until early afternoon, and then she and her leave Maia's house together, as Maia starts her shift at the Hunter's Moon in a couple of hours. After their admittedly intense conversation about Maia's feelings, neither of them brought it up again. Izzy felt too confused to talk about it furthermore, and Maia wasn’t very talkative.  
  
But, for the first time ever, there's a light veil of unease falling upon them.  
  
Well, it's not exactly unease, but their pauses are longer, their smiles are restricted and they often fall in thick silence that Izzy doesn't know how to get out of.  
  
A silence very much like the one they've dropped into right now.  
  
Izzy can practically feel the air getting tighter around them. She's not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad one.  
  
Maia is still very quiet, and Izzy guesses she hasn’t yet stopped pondering about what to do with Simon, but hard conversations and feelings had never before stopped them both from acting the usual way around each other.  
  
Izzy isn't sure what's that different today.  
  
She and Maia walk together up to a certain point, but then they're forced to separate, since Maia takes the turn left and Izzy continues walking ahead. They pause their walking and stand across each other.  
  
"Let me know how it goes with Simon," Izzy says, just so Maia can know that she still has her back no matter what, and because some extra reassurance is always necessary.  
  
Maia smiles sincerely. "I will, don't worry."  
  
"It will be tough if you do decide to tell him, but..."  
  
_But I trust you, and I know that there's nothing stopping the Maia I know from fighting for what she deserves._  
  
"It will be for the better, won't it?"  
  
Izzy shakes her head.

Not exactly what she had in mind, but that works too.  
  
"Yeah. Something like that."  
  
Maia hugs her tightly, and clings to her for a minute longer. Izzy wants to get lost in that hug forever.  
  
What does she have to sacrifice to make sure nothing and no one will take Maia away from her?  
  
"Talk to you later?" Maia asks when she pulls away. Izzy is slightly flushed, but she ignores it, simply nodding.  
  
"Bye."  
  
Maia takes a couple of steps backwards towards the direction she's headed at, and waves Izzy goodbye.  
  
"Well," Izzy says to herself, when she goes back to walking, "This was eventful."  
  
She quickens her step, wanting to get to the Institute as fast as possible, her head being on the verge of exploding.  
  
****  
  
"Clary!" Izzy practically yells, the moment Clary picks up.  
  
"What's up, Iz?"  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"Getting ready for a mission with Jace, didn't you get notified?"  
  
A mission?  
  
"What-- When did that happen?"  
  
"Not long ago, Alec assigned it to us so we have it covered, don't worry."  
  
Honestly, Izzy wasn't worried about the mission at all. She has a lot on her plate already.  
  
She figures Clary will be of no help now. She's busy , so Izzy won't burden her with her own drama.  
  
"Okay, good. I'll see you later."  
  
"Wait, Izzy, why did you call?" Clary asks, almost frantically as to not let Izzy hang up.  
  
"Never mind, it was nothing serious. Go hunt your demons, Fray."  
  
Clary chuckles softly, and she thankfully doesn't push it further. They get off the phone, and Izzy decides to resort to the plan B she always has in case of an emergency.  
  
Plan B also known as Alec Lightwood.  
  
The emergency being Izzy not being able to hold it all in any longer and wanting to tell someone about all that has been up with Maia.  
  
She's close enough to the Institute now, so she runs the rest of the way there. She's climbing up the front stairs and throwing the door open abruptly just minutes after.  
  
Izzy speaks to no one, ignores everybody calling her name and asking her questions, and heads towards her brother's office. She prays to all the Angels he isn't in a meeting, because. Seriously. Izzy can’t wait any more.  
  
"Alec?" She calls, before stepping through the door. Thankfully enough, Alec is typing away on his phone, no hassle or stress to be found lying around. Alec lifts his head to look at his sister calling for him.  
  
"Hey, Izzy."  
  
Izzy wastes no time. "Are you busy?"  
  
Alec looks around curiously. He shrugs self-consciously. "No, I guess."  
  
"Good. I need to talk to you."  
  
"You okay?" Alec questions worryingly. Izzy shakes her head.  
  
"No, I'm fine. It's relationship stuff."  
  
"You want me to give you advice?" Alec replies, raising a brow. He drops his phone on his desk, and stretches his arms mockingly, before Izzy has time to respond.  
  
"Alec."

Alec cranes his neck, fixes his blazer, and scoots in closer to the desk so he can lean his elbows on its surface.  
  
"What do you want to know?"  
  
“ _Alec._ "  
  
"I never thought this day would come."  
  
"I'm leaving."  
  
Alec laughs brightly, and Izzy struggles to hold back her own smirk.  
  
He retracts, and halts the teasing. "Okay, okay. I'm done now. What happened?"  
  
Izzy lets out a sigh.  
  
_Oh boy. What didn't happen._  
  
"Everything happened."

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to be a little more elaborate than that.”

“Alec, I’m serious.”  
  
Alec's eyes widen. "Wait, Izzy, are you sure you’re okay?" He asks, and Izzy's heart swells when she notices how much Alec cares about her.  
  
"I am, stop worrying. There just have been a lot of things going on. With a specific someone."  
  
"That someone being...?"  
  
Izzy doesn't answer. A lump forms in her throat.  
  
It's not that Alec doesn't know she's bisexual. He does. He was the first to know.  
  
But Maia isn't just another crush for Izzy. She's not another one of her flings. And Maia is practically Alec's best friend. She doesn't want to ruin or endanger anything just because of her heart deciding for her.  
  
And he doesn't want Alec to get all protective either.  
  
"Okay, promise me you won't say anything to anyone."  
  
"You know me, Izzy," her brother replies calmly.  
  
"Neither Magnus," Izzy clarifies, and Alec stares at her indifferently.  
  
"Why would I tell Magnus?"  
  
"Because you guys are _that_ couple."  
  
Alec rolls his eyes. He gives in, though. "Fine. Although you know I'm horrible at lying so if he asks, I won't be able to deny anything."  
  
Izzy bores her eyes into his. "He wouldn't ask."  
  
"Whatever. Just tell me."  
  
And Izzy does.

She tells him everything.

From spending months believing she liked Simon, only to realize a few weeks ago that she in fact liked Maia and was oblivious enough to convey her real feelings with the easiness that came with liking Simon. How she and Maia basically grew to be best friends as these last months went by, to the point where she can't go more than a couple of hours without texting her. How she sometimes gets the delicate vibe that Maia likes her back, but without ever being able to confirm or deny anything because Maia is too quick to suppress whatever she’s feeling.  
  
How Maia is probably breaking up with Simon, all because of Izzy intervening into their relationship in an all too different way than she expected.  
  
Ten minutes later, she ends her rant, and Alec is left gawking at her.  
  
"So...?"  
  
"Has all this really been going on for so long?"  
  
Izzy snorts. "Yeah."  
  
Alec gapes at her some more. "Wow, this is, um-- This is complicated."  
  
"Tell me something I don't know," Izzy frowns, sitting back at her chair.  
  
Alec glances at her. "What are you going to do?"  
  
"I wish I knew," she answers. "It's up to Maia to decide whether she is ending it with Simon, and even if she does, what are the chances that she did end it because of me?"  
  
Alec presses his lips into a thin line. "It's not impossible, though. Stop acting like it is."  
  
"But it is! I don't even know whether Maia is into women. For all I know, she's straight. So, what? Did I trigger a sexual awakening, or something?"  
  
Alec almost laughs. "Poor sister, you're really that clueless, aren't you?"  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
Alec leans over the desk, and keeps his voice low. "Maia isn't straight."  
  
_What?_  
  
"What?"  
  
"She's told me," Alec explains. "She identifies as queer. So, please don't act like your pretty face didn't leave her staring at least once."  
  
Well. That's... Good to know.

A lot of things actually make sense now.

 _That's why Maia always kept her partner pronouns gender neutral._  
  
Her heart skips a few beats. But then she remembers Simon, and it goes back to normal.  
  
"Whatever. Her being queer doesn't change anything."  
  
"It does," Alec suggests. "Maia could easily be pining after you the way you're doing after her. Although for Maia it's much more complex because of Simon. But she wouldn't be seriously considering breaking up from a serious relationship if it weren't for her feelings for the other person being very strong."  
  
"Okay, yeah. Maybe it is me, the other person. But what if it's not? What do I do then?"  
  
Izzy is so frustrated; she can tell Alec is too, just by association.  
  
"You’ll be there for her like you have until now," Alec states. "Until either she realizes she's been blind all along or you move on."  
  
"But I don't want to move on."  
  
And it's true. She doesn't.  
  
For Izzy, Maia feels _right_. She feels that, if she is right for only one thing in the world, that would undoubtedly be believing she _has_ to date Maia somehow.  
  
Alec gets up. He walks towards her and kneels down in front of where Izzy is sitting, on the couch across his desk. He takes one of her small hands between his own.  
  
"Izzy. I know Maia. And I know you, as well. I hadn't been able to catch up on the friendship you two have, but I can tell you this for sure; no matter what happens, you and Maia are too fierce to let anything get in between yourselves and what -or who- you love. So, even if it doesn't work out romantically, you won't stop having Maia as a friend you'll always remember."  
  
Izzy tears up, and she wraps her arms around Alec's neck. She rests her head on the crook of his neck like she used to do, when she and Alec were kids and their parents scolded Izzy too hard. Alec holds her close, rubbing small circles at her back to soothe her.  
  
"I know you will work it out, Iz," he whispers, and Izzy sobs.  
  
"I hope so."  
  
And she truly does.  
  
****  
  
By the next day, Izzy has begun feeling uncomfortable.  
  
If Maia did decide to break up with Simon, it's not long before he finds out.  
  
Maybe he already has.  
  
Even with Alec's help, she still can't but feel responsible for Maia and Simon's fallout; had she not been involved at all, they would be together and happy as ever. But she did involve, all for the wrong reason, and now Simon got dumped from a relationship that seemed like would last.  
  
That's kind of a big burden for Izzy to carry around.  
  
And she won't stop carrying it around unless she speaks to Maia about her feelings or Maia speaks to her first and reveals that she was pining after Izzy, which are both unrealistic scenarios.  
  
Izzy is doomed to live with that guilt forever.  
  
Greatfully enough, the past few days have been busy for the Institute, so Izzy gets sent to plenty of missions which help keep her mind off. And Alec hasn't brought up anything either. The distraction is godsend, literally.  
  
It's not until two days later that Maia contacts Izzy again.  
  
Well, it's not that they hadn't texted each other at all. They still sent each other links to YouTube videos, and Izzy did ask Maia about her opinion on a photo she wanted to post on Instagram.  
  
Maia contacted Izzy about _that_.  
  
Izzy received her text just when she was back from dinner with Clary.  
  
She has to admit, she never expected one text to make her heart sink to her stomach like that.  
  
[ **Maia** // 9:29 pm] I kinda told Simon…  
  
[Me // 9:31 pm] Omg! Wanna meet up to tell me details?  
  
[ **Maia** // 9:32 pm] I'm at work, I can't. Do you want me to FaceTime you instead?  
  
FaceTime? That's a first.  
  
[Me // 9:32 pm] Sure.  
  
Izzy waits until the unfamiliar ring of the FaceTime call is heard, pats down her hair to keep them in place, and accepts the call. The moment she picks up and the screen stops being blurry, she sees Maia, smiling shyly and waving at the camera.  
  
"Well hello there," Izzy greets, grinning back. "You're not busy, are you?"  
  
"I have a break," Maia explains. I go back in, like, twenty minutes or so."  
  
Izzy notices Maia's background, and the noise it produces, and she realizes she's sitting outside the bar.  
  
She wishes she was there with Maia, instead of stuck at the Institute.  
  
"That's more than enough. So, c'mon. How did it go?"  
  
Maia shrugs. "It went well, I guess? Better than I thought, definitely. You were right; he wasn't weird about it at all. He made me feel a little bad for worrying so much about his reaction."  
  
Izzy smiles. If only Maia knew how much hope Izzy is hiding beneath that smile. "That's very nice! And, sweetie, we have established that I'm right about everything. But, thanks for proving it yet again."  
  
Maia giggles warmly. "Glad I could be of service."  
  
"So, you two are friends now, or what?" Izzy knows she's being a little impatient but she can't help it.

Maia is right there and she's very single and very beautiful with her unruly hair and her pretty face and her witty comebacks.  
  
Although Izzy wouldn't dare to make the first move.

Maia just got out of a relationship. Even if her feelings for the other person are too powerful, she's going to need some time to adjust before jumping back to dating. Izzy knows her facts, and she would never pressure Maia into anything.  
  
"Yeah, we are. And weirdly enough, I really do think we will stay friends. Not in the way it happens with many couples, you know?"  
  
"Simon totally can't have you drop him completely, I know. He's just that kind of guy."

The crush-material kind of guy.  
  
Izzy almost cackles.  
  
"He is, isn't he?" Maia raises her brows, and Izzy is so pleased to see her smiling so brightly. "Anyway, that's not the only reason why I texted you."  
  
Izzy's heartbeat rises. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah. I need to tell you something."  
  
Okay. Izzy knows what's coming isn't a love declaration. Maia would never confess her feelings for someone over a screen. But that doesn't stop her from thinking up around 10 possible things Maia wants to tell her.  
  
"Go ahead, then."  
  
Maia sighs, and she blinks a few times. Whatever she wants to say won't be easy for her. It only makes Izzy more nervous.  
  
"Well," Maia begins, "I think I wanna get a few days to myself to figure out-- things. That means I won't check any texts or calls. I want to isolate myself completely for a while."  
  
_Oh._

Izzy didn’t see that coming.  
  
Then again, Izzy had already thought of a billion different ways with which Maia could confess her undying love for her, but. Semantics.  
  
"Oh?" Izzy manages to get out. "I didn't expect to hear that."  
  
"What _did you_ expect to hear?"  
  
Izzy notices the sparkle in Maia's eyes. Even through the small screen. It's there. It's prominent. It's like it's stating its presence.  
  
"I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter. You should totally get some time off everything if you need to. It will help you."  
  
"I hope so. I mean, it all went well with Simon, and I'm eternally thankful. But there's always the other person I told you about in the way, and I can't clearly see what I want if I'm already spending so much time with them. They're clouding my judgment."  
  
"Hey, that's our Shadowhunter motto!"  
  
Maia lets out a loud laugh. Izzy needed to lighten the atmosphere somehow. She felt choked up. "Is it really? You guys are complicated beings."  
  
"You don't know the half of it."  
  
Maia presses her lips into a line. "So, what do you say?"  
  
"What do I say?"  
  
"Are you-- okay with that?"  
  
Izzy shakes her head. Her hair swings back and forth. "Why would I not be? I want you to be happy. And it's normal for you to want to take some time off and step back from everything. You've been through a lot of stress."

Izzy is well aware she’s saying all that to calm Maia down, yet she isn’t sure whether she herself believes her words.

Maia wanting a break is either a really good or a really bad thing. No in-between. Really good, if Maia comes back wanting to try it out with Izzy, and really bad, if Maia wants to distance herself completely because she realized that Izzy is at fault for her broken relationship.  
  
"I guess so," Maia shrugs again. "Sorry, by the way. I didn't really want to do this, but I felt like I had to."  
  
"Don't apologize for taking care of yourself, Maia," Izzy responds. "I told you. I want you to be happy. Even if that means losing the chance to see _me_ on the daily."  
  
Izzy flips her hair over her shoulder teasingly.

She isn’t even sorry for that pick-up line.

She looks closely and sees Maia's adoring smile, quick to be hidden by a chuckle. "Thanks, Isabelle."  
  
"Stop thanking me, please."  
  
"I owe you too much, though."  
  
"You don't. You owe yourself too much."  
  
Maia slightly shakes her head. "What would I do without you?"  
  
That hits Izzy straight at the heart. "You'd be fine, stop."  
  
"I really wouldn't."  
  
Izzy averts her eyes from the screen, scared of looking at it and seeing the way Maia is staring at her. It will only make the separation harder.  
  
"So, will you let me know when you're back?"  
  
Maia nods. "Of course. It won't be much more than a week, I promise."  
  
"No matter how long it is," Izzy states, "I'll wait for you."  
  
And it's the truest thing she has said in a long time.  
  
****  
  
[Me // 10:06 pm] ALEC  
  
[Me // 10:06 pm] WHERE R YOU  
  
[Me // 10:06 pm] IT'S URGENT  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:08 pm] Magnus's. Why?  
  
[Me // 10:09 pm] MAIA BROKE UP W/ SIMON  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:10 pm] She did?  
  
[Me // 10:10 pm] JUST NOW  
  
[Me // 10:11 pm] She and I FaceTimed and she told me the details.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:13 pm] How did it go?  
  
[Me // 10:14 pm] Very well. Maia told him the truth and she said Simon was very understanding and that they agreed to stay friends. Nothing I didn't expect tbh.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:17 pm] That's good. Why are you freaking out though? It went well.  
  
[Me // 10:19 pm] That's not the only thing Maia told me.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:22 pm] ???  
  
[Me // 10:22 pm] She said she needs some time to herself. To figure out stuff.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:23 pm] What do you have to do with it?  
  
[Me // 10:24 pm] MY POINT EXACTLY  
  
[Me // 10:24 pm] Oh God.  
  
[Me // 10:25 pm] I ruined her relationship with Simon.  
  
[Me // 10:26 pm] She hates me because she realized what a cockblock I was.  
  
[Me // 10:26 pm] She didn't wanna tell me directly bc she's too sweet but she hates me. She has probably deleted my phone number by now.  
  
[Me // 10:27 pm] Oh my God I'm a horrible human being.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:28 pm] CALM DOWN.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:29 pm] She just got out of a relationship, she needs to breathe a little bit. She can't jump in another relationship five seconds after waving Simon goodbye.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:31 pm] And she doesn't hate you.  
  
[Me // 10:33 pm] You're right. Sorry, I'm very stressed out.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:36 pm] Don't worry. I told you, you got this. So calm down.  
  
[Me // 10:37 pm] I'm trying to.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:38 pm] It's going well  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:38 pm] ☺  
  
[Me // 10:39 pm] ... was that an emoji?  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:40 pm] Yeah?  
  
[Me // 10:41 pm] Did Magnus force you to use one?  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:41 pm] No.  
  
[Me // 10:43 pm] Yeah. Right.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:44 pm] I'm serious!  
  
[Me // 10:45 pm] Whatever. I'll talk to you later. I'm gonna go stress out by myself.  
  
[ **Alec** // 10:47 pm] Stay safe!  
  
[Me // 10:48 pm] Always am.  
  
****

For Izzy, it was pretty clear from the start that waiting for Maia to come back from her self-evaluation break would be hard.  
  
What wasn’t clear was exactly _how_ hard it would be.  
  
It is no use texting her. She won't reply. No use going to her house. She's gone away for however long she's doing that. No use going to the Hunter's Moon, either. She's taken the week off.  
  
It all makes Izzy wonder where she went.  
  
Which is hence why she's nervously checking her phone every five minutes. It has become a reflex by now.  
  
Izzy is aware that Maia is taking care of herself, and she keeps trying to remind herself that she’s is only taking a much deserved and defining break, but one small corner of her brain is constantly worrying that Maia is in trouble, wherever she is. And what makes it worse is that even if Maia _is_ in genuine trouble in the first place, Izzy wouldn't be able to find out. Maia seems to have eradicated from the face of earth.  
  
She's conflicted. Maia is abstaining from all forms of communication for a very specific and valid reason, yet Izzy wishes she would send her some sort of checking-in text, just for Izzy to be calm and sure that she's okay.  
  
Or if not Izzy, then at least someone else. Her brother. Or Simon. Or Luke. Luke's the leader of her werewolf pack, for God's sake.

Specifically texting Izzy, of all people, to check in would be very odd, anyway.  
  
Alec on the other hand, keeps assuring her that Maia is fine and that there's no need for her to worry so much.

Right. As if Izzy can help it. Thinking about Maia has legitimately become a part of herself by now. And it started way before Izzy realized the feelings weren’t innocent, which means that Izzy literally _has_ been thinking about Maia for a good proportion of her life.

Alec also believes that Maia can't be away for more than a week, since she has work, and since her pack might always need her, in or out of danger. But Izzy still isn't sure.  
  
And so Izzy waits. It’s the only thing left for her to do.  
  
And Izzy even meets up with Simon, a couple of days after Maia disappeared.  
  
She didn't plan on it, but she ran into him when she and Alec were at the Jade Wolf for some mission, asking for Luke and the pack’s help. Simon insists they ought to catch up because it has indeed been a while since they last talked, so he and Izzy meet up the day after, for a quality bonding session.  
  
Of course, she doesn't speak of her crush on Maia. Yet Simon mentions how he was somehow expecting a break-up with Maia to take place; something about her being a little distant and not as devoted to the relationship as she once were. Izzy is immediately filled with guilt; even without any trace of proof signifying that she is at fault for their relationship not working out, she still feels like she is.  
  
Izzy asks about how Simon took the reason behind the break-up. She hopes she isn't too intrusive, but Simon seems very open about everything, not hesitating to give answers, which means he does respond to Izzy without problem.  
  
He says he just wants Maia to be happy, no matter what. She deserves someone who can make her deliriously happy, and if Simon isn't them, then so be it. He will be glad to see whoever Maia likes feel mutual towards her. He doesn't see any reason why someone wouldn’t like Maia, but he plainly shrugs it off as people being weird, sometimes.  
  
"So you aren't hurt?" Izzy asks.  
  
"I am. But I'd rather me and Maia stay happily friends than her being forced to stay with me in a relationship she’s unhappy being into just because she was scared to tell me," Simon replies.  
  
Izzy heart tightens.  She thinks she sees it now. The reason why she thought she had a crush on Simon.

Simon is too pure. It would be a true blessing to have him care about you so deeply.

Not that it isn’t a blessing to have _Maia_ care about you. But Simon’s love for the people he’s surrounded himself with is rare to find. That’s why he’s so easy to like.

And that’s why Izzy ended up only liking him platonically. Easy is sweet, but it’s not what she was looking for.

Simon is warmth and light, loyalty and security. The peace you’re always searching for when looking for your partner.

Izzy wants fireworks, and flames, and sparkles flying off every time her and the person of interest interact. She wants crackling electricity, intense and instant connection, for her heart to be beating so hard she feels like she will faint.

Which is all precisely what she found in Maia.

She truly wants Simon to find someone that will offer to him just as much as he does to others.

She wants Simon to find someone that will feel for him what Izzy feels just by glimpsing at Maia.  
  
When Izzy returns to the Institute after separating ways with Simon, she feels emotionally drained. No need to mention how much she misses Maia, and how much she wishes she knew whether the girl was, in fact, away in hopes of maybe figuring out her feelings for Izzy.  
  
Izzy falls asleep staring at her phone’s blank notifications.  
  
****  
  
Until Maia texts, five days later. And Izzy sees it an hour later.  
  
It isn't her fault, okay? She was beating herself in training and barely realized how much time had passed. When she walked back into her room and checked her phone, the name she saw made her drop it.  
  
"Shit," she says under her breath, bending down to clutch the device between her hands. She doesn't waste another second, immediately calling Maia.  
  
She picks up on the first ring.  
  
_Wow. It's like she waited for it._  
  
"Hi," Maia's soft voice says on the speaker, and Izzy sighs with relief.  
  
"Oh thank God you're back," Izzy closes her eyes, and falls backwards on her bed until her back hits the mattress. "I was more worried than I should have been."  
  
Maia chuckles. It rings like music to Izzy’s ears. "Why were you worried?"  
  
"I thought-- you know, if something were to happen to you, I would have no way of finding out."  
  
"I was perfectly fine, Izzy," Maia sighs, but somehow her smile is audible through the color of her voice. "My break was very productive, actually."  
  
"Please tell me you texted me because you wanna meet and catch up?" Izzy questions. Although it sounds more like a proposition than a question.  
  
"Part of the reason was that, yeah."  
  
"What was the other part?"  
  
Maia sighs. "I missed you."  
  
_God._ Is it really possible to feel _this_ much for someone?  
  
"I missed you too, Maia."  
  
"Come over. I'm making dinner. Also, get your essentials because there's no way you're not staying over tonight," Maia demands, and Izzy nods along.  
  
"Yes sir,” she taunts. “I'll be there in an hour."  
  
"Can't you come quicker?"  
  
Izzy is left very impressed by that comment. "I'll try. I was training, though, so it will take me a while longer than usual to get ready."  
  
"Oh, okay. Text me when you're leaving!" Maia cheers, and Izzy promises to.  
  
She has never jumped into the shower and done her makeup as quickly as she did right now.  
  
****  
  
Right as promised, Izzy sends an "on my way!!" text to Maia, almost an hour after they hang up. Maia responds with just a red heart.  
  
Damn it. Izzy is always left internally screaming whenever Maia uses that red heart. As if it much more than the emoji it just is.  
  
Izzy practically runs out into the sunshine and down the stairs to the subway station, silently thanking her exceptional Shadowhunter training for making her frantic running look as effortless as it feels.  
  
Her heart is beating like crazy in her chest, and it only beats harder the close she gets to Maia. She has missed her _this_ much. And even through the phone, it was evidently obvious that the break she took paid off. Maia sounded happier, lighter, and if Izzy isn't that delusional, _flirtier_. But it has already been established that her opinion and point of view are very biased. She mostly sees things that are not even there.  
  
When she gets off the subway, she starts running again, and only stops a block away from Maia's street, to catch her breath and rearrange herself as to not make it too obvious that she practically speeded her entire way there.  
  
She hits the buzzer for Maia's apartment as she reaches the front door of the flat block, and Maia lets her in. Izzy considers skipping her way to the elevator. She doesn’t do it; for the sake of her sanity and her brand new boots.  
  
Izzy calls for the elevator, and waits. When it arrives, she steps in, and then waits some more. She's seconds away from seeing Maia again. How will Izzy make it seem less evident than it is that she missed her way more than words could explain?  
  
"Oh hello, I missed you so much, but now I saw you again and it's as though my life found its meaning again. Oh, and I like you. Like, very much. I've wanted to kiss your face since the day I first met you."  
  
Yeah. Sounds subtle enough.  
  
But none of it matters now, because when the elevator reaches Maia's level and the doors slide open, Maia is standing right there. Down the hall. Holding the door open, the light from the inside of the apartment framing her, making her look like the true Angel Izzy swears she is.  
  
Izzy's breath catches. She can barely breathe.  
  
Fuck it.

She runs down the hallway, letting out a small squeal, and Maia spreads out her arms to welcome her in a hug. Izzy melts into her embrace. She feels like she's no longer a solid human being; she's more like a puddle of joy and happiness and butterflies. She nuzzles into the crook of Maia's neck, filling her lungs with her familiar scent, and feels utterly complete again.  
  
"I missed you so much, Isabelle" Maia whispers, her voice muffled from the way she has buried her face in Izzy's shoulder.  
  
Izzy's butterflies threaten to spill out of every pore of her body. That's how she feels about hearing Maia say she missed her. _While using her full name._  
  
"I missed you so much as well," Izzy replies, untangling herself from Maia. "But I'm glad you're back now."  
  
"I am too," Maia smiles. "I needed the time out much more than I thought."  
  
Izzy looks at her with such admiration, such a fond expression, she's sure Maia has realized she likes her.  
  
She wonders whether Maia kind of knew all along.  
  
She wonder whether knowing caused Maia to reconsider her entire friendship with Izzy.  
  
"So, what did you do?" Izzy asks, while Maia steps away from the door and lets her in her apartment. She has a small deja-vu moment due to all the hours she's spent in here, and her mind automatically travels back to the first time she stayed over.  
  
What a defining moment that was for Izzy.  
  
She walks into the apartment and makes herself comfortable on Maia's couch, discarding her bomber jacket and shoes. Maia settles down next to her, and tucks her legs under herself.  
  
Izzy loves seeing her like that. Wearing comfy, casual clothes, which usually consist of plaid pajama bottoms or shorts and oversized t-shirts. She also loves how Maia hates wearing slippers, and therefore goes around the house wearing fluffy socks.  
  
Her heart feels fuzzy. She wants to see Maia like that for every day of her life.  
  
"Well, it will sound very weird, but I visited my parents," Maia says, raises her eyebrows. Izzy scowls.  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Yeah," Maia goes on to explain, "I know we hadn't talked in years, since Daniel died, basically, but everyone told me I should attempt a re-connection with them. And since I required having that break right now, I figured it was my perfect opportunity."  
  
"Wow," Izzy exclaims. "Maia, I'm so happy to hear that. How did your parents react?"  
  
"I called them a few days before to let them know, so it wouldn't make too awkward of a family dinner, you know?"  
  
Izzy smiles. "I'm glad you did."  
  
"So am I. My mom was so pleased to have me back. I mean, it was a little quiet at first. But during the week, it got easier. We talked a lot. I told them about Simon, and about the reason that brought me back to them. They were so supportive and so willing to listen to me. We both promised we would make more of an effort to communicate, since the week went by rather calmly. We've both been awful at talking, so that’s a huge moment."  
  
Izzy's eyes turn glassy. She knows how much it means when you know you have your family by your side, even after going through the worst of times with them. Her own mother made sure Izzy knows how that is.  
  
"I'm so proud of you, Maia," she ends up saying. Maia offers a crooked smirk.  
  
"Proud of me? Why?"  
  
"I know how bad you felt for not having any contact with them. You thought they no longer cared. But here you are now, trying. As they are."  
  
Maia's smirk widens. "I didn't do anything. I guess-- it always weighed down on my conscience to know that I have a pair of parents I haven't been a proper daughter to. And I always wanted to fix that status. So it was about time I did it."  
  
"That's exactly why I'm proud of you," Izzy says, truthfully. Maia stares with soulful eyes. "I know how it is to believe you’re lost without your parents' support, and it’s truly exhilarating to have that come back to you eventually."  
  
Maia lets out a laugh. "Both our families have been awfully messy, haven't they?"  
  
"They have," Izzy agrees, sighing. "Hopefully that's all in the past for now."  
  
Maia nods. "How have you been?" she asks, after a moment.  
  
_Missing you. More than my heart can take. More than I’ve ever missed anything._  
  
"I've been okay. Keeping myself busy in the Institute. Hunting a shadow or two. Annoying Alec. The usual."  
  
Maia cackles. "Damn it, I missed Alec too. I'll call him later to let him know I'm back."  
  
"Oh, don't bother," Izzy butts in. Maia frowns. "Alec already knows you're back."  
  
"How?"  
  
Izzy grins. She hopes Maia realizes Alec found out through hers truly. She does. Her mouth hangs open in realization.  
  
"I was happy to hear from you again, is all. I made it into a big deal," Izzy defends herself.  
  
"I'd lie if I said I wouldn’t do the same for you, too."  
  
Izzy's heart flutters softly. Maia has such a big effect over her. Izzy almost hates it.

Almost, because she can’t hate anything related to Maia.  
  
"I also met up with Simon, a few days ago," Izzy mentions. She thinks Maia should know.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. It was nice. I did ask him how he felt about your break-up, though. I just wanted to make sure he still has no hard feelings."  
  
"And...?"  
  
"He still has no hard feelings."  
  
Maia lets out a small, relieved sigh. Izzy just shrugs.  
  
"It's not like I expected the opposite, but I wanted to clarify."  
  
"Me neither, but I feel a little guilty. I broke up with him, and along with that, I can't deny that I broke him as well."  
  
Izzy takes in a sharp breath. "Maia. You didn't."  
  
"I did."  
  
"You _didn't._ Simon only wants to see you being truly happy and he would hate to keep you in a relationship with him just to protect himself from the heartache. He said so himself. So," it hurts Izzy to say this, "if you're holding yourself back from moving on because of the guilt you feel, then please don't."

Izzy doesn’t know whether Maia plans on moving on, but she has to push her towards that. Just to cover that tiny percentage that has Maia liking Izzy back.  
  
Maia lowers her gaze to her lap. She's busying her hands by wrapping and unwrapping a loose thread of her t-shirt around her finger.  
  
"So--" she responds, "you think I should move on?"  
  
Izzy nods, a little hesitantly. "I think you should, yeah. It’s what Simon wants you to do. It’s what I want you to do."  
  
Maia nods too, still avoiding Izzy's stare.  
  
But then. Her voice is calm, quiet. Almost inaudible.  
  
"Good. Because," a small pause, "remember that person I'd told you I thought I had feelings for?"  
  
Izzy exhales slowly. "What about them?"  
  
Maia's voice is shaky. She’s hesitant. She’s scared, too. "I definetely do have feelings for them. And," another pause, "you wanna know something?"  
  
Izzy's whole body feels too heavy for herself to carry. She's too weak. And she’s not prepared for whatever answer comes from Maia’s mouth. "What?"  
  
Maia finally stares up. Her eyes hold secrets Izzy wants to know about.  
  
Maia's voice is a whisper. "I think she likes me back."  
  
And. Izzy gasps.  
  
_She._  
  
Maia's crush is on a female.  
  
Maia's crush could possibly be on Izzy. For all she knows.

But she knows she isn’t. Maia liking her back is crazy. Unreal. Too unfathomable to be even considered.  
  
"Oh. That's," Izzy forces a smile, "Amazing. Will you ask her out?"  
  
Maia gulps down a nonexistent knot in her throat. She smirks faintly. "I might."  
  
"What do you think she'll say?"  
  
Maia shrugs. "I'm not sure. What will _you_ say?"  
  
Izzy startles. _What?_  
  
"What does my opinion have to do with anything?" Her voice is a whisper as well.  
  
Maia scoots closer to Izzy on the couch. She's still looking at her straight into the eyes. Izzy forgets how to breathe.  
  
_Maia is too close._  
  
There's barely any distance between them. Maia's face is inches away from Izzy's.  
  
Izzy will implode. Her whole body is on fire.  
  
Right before the small amount of distance separating them eliminates, Maia whispers, right on Izzy's lips.  
  
"Take a wild guess."  
  
And then Maia kisses her.  
  
Maia kisses her.  
  
_Maia kisses her._  
  
For the first few seconds, Izzy can't _breathe._ She can't react. She can't do anything. All her bodily functions have frozen over, and all Izzy can feel is Maia's lips on hers.

Maia is kissing her and Izzy isn’t sure whether she even remembers how to kiss.  
  
So she was right. Maia's lips are indeed as soft as Izzy imagined. Softer than that, even. She never thought that was possible.  
  
Izzy kisses back for the briefest of moments, but Maia pulls away. They stare at each other, eyes wide, mouths open in shock, breaths heaving slightly.  
  
Maia is about to scoot back again, or apologize, or do something as crazy as that.  
  
Izzy goes into full panic mode. There are alarms going off inside her head.

This can't end now. Not before it barely got the chance to start.  
  
That's why Izzy leans back in, and captures Maia's lips between her own, curling one hand at the back of her neck. Maia sinks into it, sighing, and she kisses back.  
  
They kiss fiercely but softly, passionately but languidly, slowly but messily. Izzy has been dreaming of that kiss for far too long, and when her lips part open and Maia's tongue enters her mouth, Izzy almost can't believe it’s really happening.  
  
Her hand makes its way up, and she pulls lightly on Maia's hair, earning a low groan from her. Maia wraps her arm around Izzy's waist, pulling her even closer, even though there’s no more distance left to close. Their bodies are pressed together, and Izzy's legs interlace with Maia's.

And then Izzy can't help it. She pulls off from from Maia's lips and instead attaches hers to Maia's neck, kissing as much skin as she can muster.  
  
Now that she can, she's wasting no time.

She’s kissing below Maia’s jaw, across her neck and right behind her ear, and after that she’s softly kissing down the scarred skin at the side of her neck. She leaves a hickey right her, above Maia’s scratch, making sure Maia will only remember how Izzy’s lips felt on her when she left that mark, instead of the dark past that left this memo on Maia’s skin forever.  
  
But, Izzy pauses soon enough.  
  
"Maia?" she asks, panting. Maia has tilted her head back to expose her neck for Izzy's benefit, and she hums in response. Izzy leaves a trail of kisses there before speaking again. "We have a lot to talk about."  
  
Maia hums again. "We will." Her fingers wander down and up Izzy's back, ending up tangled in her jet black hair. "For now, shut up and kiss me."  
  
Izzy can't say no to that.

She kisses Maia again, and again, and again, until her lips are numb and her hair is knotted because of Maia's tight grasp on them.

They do talk about it over dinner, like they always do. Food first, talking second. Because now, they might be _dating_ , as Maia lovingly proclaimed, but Izzy knows there's barely anything that will change about the way they are around each other.  
  
Well, not anything. There will surely be much more kissing now.  
  
Izzy likes kissing Maia very much already.  
  
****  
  
The next morning, Izzy wakes up in Maia's house. Like she has done a fair amount of times by now.

Though, this time, she wakes up in Maia's bed. The girl is curled up against her side, snoring softly, still in deep sleep. Izzy's eyes rest on Maia, in the least creepy way possible. She's just... admiring. Taking in the sight.  
  
She looks so peaceful. There's no hint of trouble bothering her. Her body is completely relaxed and fitting against Izzy's perfectly.  
  
Izzy knows she'll be content to waking up to that all her life.

Which is exactly why, last night, she slept the best she’s done in a very long time.  
  
Shortly after, Maia's eyes flutter open, and she looks up to meet Izzy's gaze. The latter smiles warmly.  
  
"Good morning."  
  
Maia's voice is still heavy and raspy from sleep. "Good morning, gorgeous."  
  
Izzy's smile is even brighter now. "I love it when you call me that. I loved it since the start."  
  
Maia squints at her. "Really?"  
  
Izzy nods. "It made me feel special."  
  
"You are."  
  
Izzy is too endeared to coherently reply. She then wonders. "How did you know?"  
  
Maia frowns adorably. Izzy didn't even know one was able to frown _adorably_ before Maia. "How did I know what?"  
  
"That I liked you back."  
  
Maia shrugs. "I don't know. I just did. Your eyes would linger a little longer than necessary. And you always made sure I know how much you care for me. When I put it all together, I realized that you liking back was the only thing that would logically explain... this. Us."  
  
Izzy tries the word in her mouth. "Us."  
  
Maia chuckles. "I know," she says. "It's hard to believe."  
  
"I can't believe you like me back."  
  
"As if I can."  
  
"I didn't even know you're queer," Izzy says, raising her brows in disbelief. "How did I not know you're queer?"  
  
"How _do_ you know I'm queer?"  
  
"Alec. I snapped and told him everything. He's rooting for it."  
  
Maia laughs louder now. "Of course he is. He only wants the best for his sister."  
  
Izzy swats Maia lightly on the arm. Or, as best as she can, considering one arm is numb under the weight of Maia's body.  
  
"He wants the best for his best friend, as well."  
  
Maia stares at her fondly. "Yeah. He does."  
  
She sits up to meet Izzy's lips, and the morning gets at least ten times better.

Izzy’s life does too.

****

Three hours later, Izzy has left Maia's apartment and is slowly making her way back to the Institute. She pulls out her phone from her pocket, and dials up Clary's number with shaky fingers.  
  
She picks up on the second ring.  
  
"Hey Izzy!"  
  
"Are you free right now?"  
  
"Yeah, I am. You wanna meet up for lunch in a couple of hours?"  
  
"Great. I'm on my way to pick you up from the Institute."  
  
"I'm not there, either. Me and Jace woke up early to train in the field."  
  
"So I'll meet you there?"  
  
"Yeah, that's great. Wait," it then strikes Clary, "you didn't sleep here, did you?"  
  
Izzy grins miscieviously to herself. "I didn't."  
  
"And where did you sleep?"  
  
"Maia's," Izzy says, indifferently.  
  
"I wish I was surprised. You always stay over at Maia's lately; it's practically your second house by now."  
  
"I'm not going to disagree," her smile is more prominent now. "Though this time was different."  
  
"Different how?"  
  
"You know," Izzy replies, "Now I stayed over as Maia's girlfriend. Not as her guest."  
  
Izzy waits for Clary to react.  
  
"Wait, wait wait. Izzy, _what did you say_?”  
  
Izzy is one second before bursting into tears. Happy ones, of course. "What did you hear?"  
  
Clary gasps. "Izzy. Are you and Maia...?"  
  
"Me and Maia!"  
  
"You and Maia!" Clary squeals into the speaker, and Izzy's ear is ringing by the volume of her reaction, but she doesn't blame Clary. That's how she feels, too.  
  
"Tell me _everything_.”  
  
And Izzy does. Like she had done with Alec.  
  
Although this time, the ending is a rather happy one.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, please be kind to me, I'm still not sure whether I like it or not.
> 
> I do hope you liked it though.
> 
> If you did, hit me up on my [tumblr](http://divines-move.tumblr.com/) or my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bIuegreenfeld/) to let me know or just leave a kudo and a comment.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (Idek why I'm putting this here, but if you're livetweeting while reading, tag your livetweets with #quitemagicaph. Pretty please.)


End file.
